u/samlup_69

My (25F) husband (30) just got married last year. We’ve been together for four years.

My husband used to be a very outgoing and motivated boyfriend. He planned dates, was super thoughtful, wanted to go out and enjoy each other’s company and was overall wonderful to be around. Definitely the dream boyfriend everyone wants.

When he became my fiance, he started to check out of the relationship. He immediately became overwhelmed with wedding planning. He was with me for two (out of four) venue tours and his one job was to pick out what his groomsmen were wearing. I gave him a list of colors to choose from and specifically said “please pick any color other than white” (duh). Guess what- the shirts were white.

When it came to photography, flowers, decorations, etc, he had zero opinion and wouldn’t help me decide. I made all the signs and decorations by hand with no help. (Before you get after my bridal party, they all live out of town. I am an only child so no sibling help)

When it came to setting up the venue, he also refused to help. I begged him to call out of work the day before our wedding to help set up and he refused. He was the only one not there.

When it came to planning our honeymoon, it was the same thing. He offered no help and was sitting on his phone playing a game or scrolling ig while I was researching hotels and things to do.

When it comes to home life, we have compromised to him taking care of the kitchen and doing the majority of the cooking.

He is a wonderful cook and I am truly grateful that he does most of the cooking.

He used to go all out and make really fancy and delicious dinners. Now it’s mostly hamburger helper or pasta with canned sauce. Easy premade dinners.

The dishes sit out on the stove for multiple days unless I put them in the sink. When he does the dishes, if they are not in the sink, he will not put them in the dishwasher. If a cup is sitting next to the sink, it will sit there for a week.

Dishes pile up on the stove unless I put them in his “field of view”.

It really bothers me because that can stink fast.

I do literally everything else. All the laundry (clothes, towels, bed sheets, etc) vacuuming, mopping, bathrooms, taking care of the pets (two small dogs and a cat). Basically any other chore outside the kitchen is my duty.

I will help in the kitchen but he’s very picky about how things are done and gets upset if I put a spoon in the wrong spot in the dishwasher. He also gets mad if I chop veggies the wrong way, or use a spoon to stir a pan because I don’t know how to do that fancy pan flip chefs do to stir.

I do chores every day. If I do a few every day, it doesn’t pile up and get overwhelming. He does the dishes twice a week and cleans the stove once a month.

When it comes to deep cleaning the kitchen, that is also my job. I clean out the fridge, microwave, oven, etc.

This man is also addicted to video games. Not in a cute “oh let’s play Mario cart” way but in a disgusting “I haven’t showered in a week” way. Think of that one guy from South Park.

He will get so sucked in that he pees in his pop bottles so he doesn’t miss a second.

I like to play games too but not to that extent. I’ll do Mario cart, super Mario, smash bros and Minecraft. I refuse to play any shooter games, just not my thing.

He gets so obsessed that he even watches other people play the games on YouTube while we’re eating dinner.

I’m sure you can guess, when he’s gaming, nothing gets done around the house.

I also need to clarify-

We both work full time. I am the breadwinner but that put an excuse on anything. He has a more physically active job, I have a more mentally exhausting job.

We have opposite schedules. I work on the weekends and he does not.

When I am at work on the weekends, get gets up when I leave and immediately gets to gaming.

When I’m off, I do extra cleaning and run errands.

This is where it gets hard for me-

The only time this man tells me he loves me is when he hangs up the phone.

The only time he kisses me is when his initiates.

He will not go out to dinner or leave the house for any fun dates.

Our cuddles are limited to me laying my legs on his lap while he has a controller in his hands.

He never holds my hand. The last time he did was on our wedding day during the ceremony.

I don’t even remember the last time he hugged me.

No back scratches, no foot rubs.

No spooning in bed because he “gets too hot”

The dogs get way more kisses and snuggles than I do.

Mind you, this was not a problem when we were dating.

This is NSFW but the last time we had sex, he just slapped the lube on and went in. No kisses, no foreplay, no nothing…made me feel disgusted and used.

I am very sex positive but it’s gotten boring and predictable. He just wants to get off with little effort. There’s no love in it.

I see a counselor and have been before I met my husband; but unfortunately he’s one of those men that “doesn’t believe in therapy.” He won’t do with me.

I have had multiple conversations about this with my husband but he says I “nag” and “mother” him.

It feels like some weird manipulation tactic to make me the bad guy so he can continue to ignore everything.

His attitude towards me has been getting worse. Not in a physically abusive way but he’s very snippy and short tempered.

We’ve only been married for six months. I feel like we should be out living our lives together. But it’s just not happening.

TLDR:

husband is a lazy pos that won’t leave the couch unless he’s working. He does cook but minimal cleaning in kitchen only. He would rather game than go out for dinner.

Wife does everything else around the house. Despite for husband to tell her he loves her.

Noob looking for equipment kit