u/saphariadragon

So I work tech support for a private company that works closely with the government in the education space.

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As such, while we rely heavily on technology, our users tend to be on the inept side of the spectrum when it comes to using technology. Sometimes the reading comprehension of these folks astounds me with the lack of it.

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Also because of this weird private but working close with the government, getting new laptops is a bit of a hassle. Because yeah... Funding the IT department is always a bit... Hit and miss at the best of times and less so with our situation.

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As such we have run out of replacement laptops. Much of the time we just replace instead of repair because our small help desk team just doesn't have the time to fix stuff and so we send out most issues to our supplier who we have a repair contract with.

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Most of the time, when we explain that hey, unfortunately we don't have replacements right now, here are your options, people are understanding.

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But not this guy. Not this guy. I will be calling him Mr Health and safety or Mr HS for short for reasons that will become clear shortly.

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Mr Health and Safety:

*Creates tickets about how his speakers are very very quiet and his inbox order is messed up*

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Me: Heya, just to confirm, your headphones work fine and it's your laptop speakers that are quiet yes?

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Mr HS: *reiterates his two problems instead of answering me*

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Me: Heya, usually we prefer you to put each separate problem in a different ticket. However let's sort out the speaker issue first. *Reasks if his headphones work*

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Mr HS: yes my headphones work fine, my computer's speakers do not. I have the volume all the way up and I have to lean over to hear.

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Me: just want to check, your speakers don't have anything covering them right? They are on either side of your keyboard.

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Mr HS: these are the speakers on my laptop

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Me: *mental headdesk* the sound comes out of your laptop from mesh on either side of your laptop's keyboard. There is nothing blocking that right?

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If so, unfortunately I do not have any replacement laptops available. So you will need to use your headphones in the meantime until we get replacements(which are in the works).

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Mr HS: no. What about other issue?

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Me: after a little more back and forth on the ticket I call him to resolve the other irrelevant issue to his speaker one.

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Mr HS: and what are you going to do about my speaker issue? I can barely hear you...

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Me: you will need to use your headset or an external speaker

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Mr HS: so what *insert lead help desk person said* is true and you don't have replacement laptops?

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Me: no, we don't. We might get some in next week, if you want to reach out and contact me to ask about the new machines you can. At least you have a work around. You aren't the only one with computer problems at the moment and unfortunately your issue, since it has a valid work around, will not be the first on our list.

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Guys, *this is when she knew, she fucked up*

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Mr HS: Well this is a pretty big health and safety issue. I am leaned all the way down to my laptop to hear you. My back is not happy.

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Me: I understand it's a big deal to you, but again, you can use headphones or a speaker. There are some folks who can't work, or do not have a work around.

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Mr HS: but my boss has been stressing to us about health and safety and this is a huge issue.

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Me: *finally at the end of my patience born from many ill served years as Frontline customer service* you can use your headphones.

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Mr HS: *finally catching on he's pushing too far* well at least my inbox issue is fixed.

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Me: okay, I will put in our teams chat the instructions on what to do about checking about the new laptops next week. I will close this ticket and once I confirm I have laptops, you can remake the ticket for your speakers.

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And that is how you will get put beneath every other person needing a replacement laptop. Will he get help? Eventually. But not until everyone else does.

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I can be real petty about how I prioritize support.

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Granted his is easily the least pressing issue in the replacement queue but even so.

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Any formatting issues can be blamed on my phone.

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