I recently learned I don't trust myself
I'm looking for some self trust exercises that people have actually succeeded from.
It's been an interesting road to get here. Recently, two of my close friends broke up, and I ended up putting myself in the middle of it (I know, bad me, I'm not good at boundaries yet). It was messy beyond belief, with one of my friends going thru a severe mental health crisis. I was debriefing my boyfriend about it and talking about how my friend always talks down to himself and the negative patterns I've witnessed, and I realized to myself that hey wait I do that too! The more I think on it the more I realized my unhealthy patterns show up in my day to day all the way down to how I intrinsically communicate with myself.
I've been taking the time now to identify where my feelings originate from but also to give myself the space to feel them instead of analyzing them to death. It feels like my nervous system is on fire sometimes but there's some kind of rewarding feeling in being able to take deep breaths and exhale the feelings out after I've felt and acknowledged them. I want to work on trusting my own mind, memories, and feelings.
I dealt with narcissistic abuse in my very early twenties and I think the trauma from that still lingers around. I don't want this to affect my relationship that I'm currently in but I know it does already. He's stable, intelligent, kind, and always gives me the space and support I need to work out my problems even if it means he listens to me talk about it for the 100th time that week. He's probably the most patient man in existence. I want to be better for my own sake and not his but knowing he would benefit from it brings me a little peace as well.
I feel like my eyes are opened now and I have the mental clarity to tackle these problems instead of receding into the fog that depression has laid over my life for the last few years.