u/schwainana

Hello everybody! I am M26 writing because I feel that because of my actions I have now been left out from kind of stuff I would love to do and I can definetely see it. I understand the reasons for it and there is every right for me not to be included that much since that has also lead me to take some distance.

I used to have super cool best friend group of 5 guy friends but we dont hang out anymore at all. 2 of them are not part of this "leaving me out" scenario and the third is pretty 50/50 since he gives signals that we are mates through and through by sometimes suggesting stuff but in the end I mostly suggest stuff for us and he reads the messages after two days.

But the last two from the group have totally now left me out and it sucks. One of them was my ride or die for a long time, lets name in carl (fake name). Me and carl had such a good relationship but because I struggled with substance abuse problems which I have now conquered we are now back on track. Still we had a year of weird relationship and during that time he got a girlfriend.

At first her girlfriend and me clicked so well and I thought omg, maybe this is start of new era since she got really well with my girlfriend as well. Things were great from september 2025 till april 2026.
Then I apparently fumbled bad and this is related to the second friend that has left me out imo. He (fake name, jack) has a girlfriend who I clicked really well and for over a year when we saw eachother we threw out some funny and weird jokes like proper mates do. I really thought that we also had a good thing going on since Jack is hard person socially and have been weird towards me after my substance issues. Nevertheless I thought that hey, maybe through having this click with her girlfriend would make him see me as a good person.

Then in appril we were in a party where I said to Jack's girlfriend that she looks amazing and her ass is looking fabulous (she posted a thirst trap evening before and me and my girlfriend were really hyping that photo up).

I know ofc that it can come out super weird and I take total accountability for it to seem weird or anything not good. But she took it in a way that I tried to hit on her infront of my partner. I was shocked hearing this 2 months later since if you know me as a person, I am always hyping up everyone and trying to spread posivity. I thought Jack would know that as well since we been friends for ages. BUT no, apparently I was being sketchy as fuck and slimey and Jack wont confront me about it.

Side note: after the compliment I went to my gf to say that I gave the compliment as full and we were like ”fuck yes” because we were for real hyped for it 😂🙈

After that incident, Carls girlfriend said this to me at my graduation party??? and also hinted to me that I should not go cheating around and focus on my girlfriend. That is super weird comment since our relationship means the world to me and I would never do that. But she loves drama and I have not really talked with her sober ever. So that kinda also points out why se would say stuff like that.
But know in the summer I did not hang out with Jack at all (only when we had some trips where others came) and sometimes with Carl. Now I see them post shit togethet doing stuff which I would love to join but I dont even get an invite to and then the third friend who is 50/50 is also with them who I also invited for a coffee last week and he just did not reply.

I know I have also taken a little step back since things have gotten a bit weird. But still I am pretty sure that it is intentional since I used to be wild and that can leave a mark and it really does not help that people assume I try to hit my friend's girlfriend. I ofc get it and they have a choice to choose to have fun in a secure group which dont include me.

In summary: The thing what I am asking is that should I just try to not care and accept that life has now put us in crossroad where we take turn to different direction or should I try to save it by having a talk?

Talk would be good ofc. But I also consider that do I want to pursue with this kind of drama based behaviour since we could have talked that incident immediately but then it spiraled into situation where my mood is killed at my graduation and I dont just get invites.

I do understand that me having substance issues have had a major role and therefore the relationship will propably never be the same since the history is long and my ”pr” has gotten bad from stuff I have done when not feeling well. I understand that and take accountability for being like that. I am happy how far I have come and would not wish anything else except that my ”best friends” would see it that way as well.

So if anyone has anything to say I am open to hear some point of view.

TL;DR: M26. Two close friends have stopped inviting me after a compliment I gave one's girlfriend at a party was taken as hitting on her, and after my past substance issues. Should I accept we're drifting apart or try to save it by having a talk?