Prioritize your emotional safety first
When you fall in love with a person with children, it is easy to set your needs for emotional safety aside to focus on your person and the kids first. It might seem loving and caring to put their emotional needs first, but there is a risk that you may start to feel less safe over time.
Here are some reminders of why it is important to prioritize your emotional safety first, in all relationships.
Validation over dismissal: Your feelings are acknowledged and respected, rather than minimized or ignored.
Healthy boundaries: You can say "no" or ask for space without guilt, pressure, or conflict.
Lack of hypervigilance: You do not have to "walk on eggshells" or carefully edit your words to avoid someone else's volatile reactions.
Consistency: You don't have to guess which version of the person you will be dealing with day to day.
Accountability: Mistakes are met with sincere efforts to repair and grow rather than blame-shifting or silent treatments.
As women, I think there is a bias that some men (and women) have about us as caregivers. It can feel selfish to prioritize our own emotional health and safety. I think that it is important to discuss emotional health and emotional safety early in any relationship, to form a healthier relationship.