u/screegeegoo

Self explanatory title. My Q is my 38M spouse with a long, complicated history with alcohol. We've been married for 8 years and together for 9. I'm 32F and I knew he was an alcoholic when we got married. I always knew it would be a part of my life and our life together. But at that point he was working on sobriety and it lasted for a couple years at the beginning.

Basically, he was diagnosed with a fatty liver in 2019 and after Covid and everything he started drinking and never stopped. Since then it's been fast food and vodka. And a diabetes diagnosis too, Feb of this year. Still drinking a pint of 100 proof vodka 3-4 times a week. Sometimes he pours a shot or so of it out but it's still 100 proof.... I am so scared of what is going to happen to him. I have talked to him many times and we cry or fight and he cuts back a couple weeks then back to the same.

I love him so much and he's a great husband otherwise. He says he doesn't choose this and loves me so much and hates himself for hurting me but is struggling. He's been through so many programs and been to rehab twice and I just don't know at this point if he will stop. I think I have to ask myself if I can accept it if he doesn't get sober and things stay as they are now. I'm thinking about going to my first meeting tomorrow as well.

I (32F) am a longtime lurker. My Q is my spouse. We've been married for 8 years. He (38M) has a long history of alcohol abuse starting around age 20, 21 I think. He's had maybe 3-4 years of sobriety during that time. At most 5. But still, his drink of choice is vodka and 100 proof at that. He is diabetic and had a fatty liver diagnosis in 2019.... He is a great husband and I love him so much. I fear I'm gonna lose him to this and he is waiting for rock bottom to stop. But I ask myself how much can I stand to watch? I don't even want to think of leaving but watching him do this to himself and going through these emotions all by myself (as I have nobody really to talk to) is hard and getting harder all the time. I've talked to him about my concerns but I don't feel heard and I know he is struggling which makes me feel guilty too. I just don't know what to do and have felt stuck in this weird limbo of emotion for months in secret and have no one to really talk with about it.