u/sea_currenti

What makes an emotionally unavailable man want to target on a " fixer" woman. A woman who listens to their problems. A woman who is kind. A woman who is emotionally stable to be a man's therapist. A woman who they think can excuse their shit behavior? Why would a man waste a woman's time if they never wanted her?

That happened to me.

And I didn't let him.

After having good chemistry, I believed that he liked me too, but freaked out when I wanted something real. I didn't have time for bullshit. So he ended it before it got real because he didn't look at me , but looked at the ghost of his ex that he still loved behind me.

And I found that disappointed. This happened a month ago.

I need to know if I'm not crazy or y'all think the same too.

Me(28F) began talking to a guy (25M) after he began texting me frequently first. I met him through a college course and we got along pretty well. We had the same vibes, liked the same things, dislike certain things, and vented when we needed like friends would, right?

At first, I didn't think I had a chance with him , but then he confessed and we started to talk. I communicated with him with not being ready in a relationship because with what I got going at home. He said okay, we would take it slow, but then he offered the friends with benefits part. Long story short, we agreed to it.

We hung out as friends at the mall before watching a movie ( movie theater was apart of the mall and the movie didn't start till later) . And when I tell you when I saw this man. I was dressed casual and well put together. He was dressed in a black Slipknot tshirt with brown pants and Converses. I realized that we dressed differently and this is my first time I've seen him without the college uniform. When we were walking, I went to the restroom and told myself " what the fuck did I get myself into?" Because what the hell is he wearing? I don't know about you, but I was caught off guard.

As we were walking, I made a joke something about crying. Then he started to list out things about the last time he cried. I side eye him and redirected the conversation into a lighter note and he didn't seem to notice.

We watched the movie, held hands, and went to eat afterwards. I was looking at the menu when I said something about the prices. He reached over and assured me about not worrying about the prices. I then again made a joke and that's when he said " if you don't order the fuck you want, then I'm going to fucking order it for you." And I honestly got a bit scared. I tried redirecting the conversation into a lighter note but he seem to take office at every joke I say. I think the staff noticed too and were checking on us (poor them) , but I'm not about to back down.

I was going to be intimate with him but I said hell no and we parted ways.

2. Not after a few hours, he wants to see me again for wanting to be intimate with me. So we agreed. Mind you, we communicated with how he made me feel and he apologized and everything. He was a gentlemen and paid our tickets and food. Which I appreciated. I just found it funny how when I first saw him, I wanted to dip lol. You may be asking why I didn't. Because I made him drive 30mins to see and hang out, so I just dealt with it.

We met after work and became intimate in my car. Then I noticed his body language being closed off (crossed arms, shaking his leg, legs facing away) . He made an excuse to which I know is bullshit. I know how to read body language really well. After the moment happened, as I was driving him back to his car.

He asked me " what if I wanted to end this?" And I asked " like friends with benefits to become bf/gf? Or ending it completely." He said the first one. I was honest with what I wanted and said I would talk to him about it and maybe I would consider it. Then he starts opening up to me about his past. What I heard, I wanted to cry on the spot because I really did like him and was disappointed. This is the second time that's happened to me.

He stated that he is not ready or looking for a relationship anytime soon because he ended things with his gf of 5 years. He opened up to say that he does "things on a whim and that if I end things out of no where. I don't want to hurt you to think it's about you." Which in my mind, he was already hurting me. Mind you, I didn't confess to him that I liked him.

He continued to tell me that he would drunk call her, he wanted to have a future with her, that he wishes for her to come back, and that he still loves her , but then he fucked it all up due to his bottled up behavior and snapping at her. I tried comforting him but he wasn't taking it. So I knew this MF was emotionally unavailable. So I stopped and just listened to him. I don't know how much it hurt for me to hear that he wasn't looking at me, but the ghost of his ex behind me.

I thought I had something good. The chemistry was so good. We got along so well. The conversations carried so well. And you want to know what's funny? He called it a date. And when I opened to him about him making me feel scared? He said " Sorry about that. It's been a very long time since been on a date and I was completely nervous."

Nervous? Date? I thought we were hanging out as friends. Friends shouldn't feel nervous about hanging out and having fun. But he was nervous? I made him nervous? Okayyy..

After all of that, I texted to say that I don't want to continue this any further because I don't want to be hurt because he is still lingering over his ex and not with me. He said that it's okay and he doesn't mind me making my peace with what he has going. I said "okay. Take care. See you around then." I'm tired of being the second priority. After that, we haven't spoke in 3 weeks.

It's been awhile since we talked and I don't dare text him. At the same time, I want closure, but then I don't. The silence gives me my answer. He used me as a void. He lied to me. He used me. He took advantage of my body. I was hoping to be something more. Ever since we stopped talking. My thoughts would linger to him out of no where. I don't know why. I don't know why my mind is occupied about him when he is thinking of some other girl.

So yeah, that's my story. I want to know if I'm not going crazy and agreed to what I'm thinking he did. What are your thoughts. Do you think he might of felt something for me during our "date" but backed off? When it felt too real that he panicked?

I'm mourning our connection. And I think about him a lot. And I don't want to give him the attention by giving him a text. Scared to what it could lead to.