Exes can't always be friends. I think I finally understand why
I (23F) was in a 3 yr relatnshp with a guy (23M) I met in clg. We were genuinely compatible and got along really well. In many ways, he felt like the male version of myself
Things started falling apart when our relationship became more serious and we started talking about family, marriage, and our future together. Then I realized that our values and perspectives on certain things were very different. He grew up in a very different scenario from me, and some of his views about relationships, family, and gender started becoming major red flags for me.The arguments became more frequent, and eventually I decided to end the relationship.
It's been about a year since the breakup, and I genuinely thought we'd both moved on. I still really liked him as a person. We always had fun talking, conversations came naturally, and he was probably the person who understood me the best. Because of that, I didn't want to completely lose him from my life. I thought maybe we could eventually be friends.So I told him this and he agreed.
At first, we could talk normally and things felt easy. But gradually, things started getting weird. He would randomly bring up our relationship and say things like, "Things would've been so much easier if we were still together," or "Are you really over me? I still think about you sometimes." Then he started acting like we were still in a relationship. He'd call me repeatedly asking what I was doing or where I was going. If I went somewhere without telling him, he'd ask why I hadn't informed him. Sometimes he'd call late at night, and if I didn't answer, he'd send me multiple messages.
It started feeling less like a friendship and more like he wanted control over my life.
Now I'm starting to regret trying. Looking back, the time after our breakup when we weren't talking at all was actually much more peaceful.
Maybe some exes can genuinely become friends, but maybe it only works when both people are completely detached from the old relationship and can respect the boundaries of a friendship. In our case, it doesn't seem to be working.
I'm seriously considering ending the friendship too and going back to no contact. But I was the one who called off relationship then I wanted us to be friends and again I am calling off friendship. It's like hurting him twice.
What do you guys think?