How to heal trauma from a 4 year long meth addiction
I am now sober since January (had a relapse that lasted a couple weeks before that I was sober since April 2025) I dont think about using anymore and the dreams have stopped and the cravings but I still have so much undealt with trauma from it.. the insane things I did.. i hurt my girlfriend so much I cheated on her I chose porn over her I sexted with random people the whole time.. i sold myself for it once. I did so much damage to my life and my relationship and I love this girl so so much and I did so much damage to her yet she was there for me through everything only finding out about everything that truly happened after I had got sober. I hurt my family very badly I was an awful person and its so hard to live with myself when I relive everything that happened. My girlfriend has so much trauma and she cant get over everything that has happened and its because of me. I struggle so badly talking to anyone about this cause its so painful to relive and I just dont associate my meth self with how I am now because I just cant believe I really did all of these things and I just want so badly to repair what we have I want to be a good man for her I want to be good for myself I want to build a future with her and have a true connection... she says I still haven't even given her a heartfelt apology only weak ones and honestly she's probably right... I have a terrible time talking about it cause everytime I do i start to have a mental breakdown...please I need guidance...
Im so sorry for my wall of text its probably so hard to read im just not okay right now and I really need help I want to heal so badly I want to be good for her I want us to be happy together
If you've read all of this thank you so much im sure it was incoherent and exhausting.