Working Full-time while being primary parent (advice needed)
Hey everyone,
So I'll start with the following information, my husband is a Company Commander in the National Guard (reserves) and does this "part time" (in reality it's a second full time job). He is also a project manager for a construction/restoration company and is very busy in his civilian job. It takes him out of town pretty regularly, sometimes for a night or two even. When you pair this with his obligations with the NG, his drill weekends (which wind up being more like Thursday-Sunday) and his unit is 4.5 hours away... Paired with his AT every year, I'm alone with my kids A LOT.
Last year I tried to go back to work since my daughter was almost 3. Unfortunately daycare illnesses hit us really hard and within 6 weeks of the new job I had missed 11 days of work due to illnesses like hand foot and mouth, covid and my son breaking his wrist and needing surgery. I was fired... On mother's day week of all weeks. I have still yet to recover from the embarrassment and total killer to my confidence that I can hold a full time job with no help. I have no village to help keep my kids when sick or anyone to fall back on when I have to be at work. We have very little family and the little family have works full time and or just doesn't care to help.
My husband has been expressing how he'd like me to go back to work soon so we have the extra money to save and use to do things we'd like since his income pretty much covers living expenses and retirement. However, I see this to be impossible right now. Last year during the madness he was too busy to help and take off work... So now I fear it'll be the same case once again and because of that I feel trying is absolutely pointless right now. Even a part time gig is really hard to navigate because his schedule is so unpredictable and hectic. Currently our daughter is in daycare/preschool program 2 days a week and I considered getting a part time job at a hardware store or something those two days if they'll even consider me. My previous work experience is in an office setting, I had an actual career in purchasing which I tried to go back into, however we see how that ended.
How do I express and help my husband understand that although I desperately would love to go back to work, trying to make this work after what happened last year and the amount of work he is still involved with makes me working incredibly difficult and puts too much on my shoulders? He claims it won't be like last year but I know him and I know his work will always come first while I'm left on the back burner. He's the breadwinner and that's been made clear.
Do I attempt to go part time (16-20 hours a week) in a much lesser field than I previously was in or just flat out make it clear until our youngest is older I will be a stay at home parent? I know for certain as long as he's in the military (especially in command) trying to work on my own personal career is nearly impossible. My daughter turns 4 this summer, next year she will finally start kindergarten but even then, it's only half days. I really don't know how to navigate any of this and no one seems to understand the struggle having a spouse with two jobs to this capacity. I fear any place that would accept part time will require me outside to the two days I can give and therefore will not even consider giving me a chance anyway. Another blow I don't know I'm willing to take...
Anyway, any advice or stories you have to share would be greatly appreciated. Feel like my back is up against a wall and I'm not being heard or understood at this point.