I feel like life would’ve been so much easier and chill if I never married my husband. Could live by family, probably wouldn’t be dirt poor living paycheck to paycheck. Wouldn’t have to move all the time or deal with tdys and deployments all the time. It makes me so mad when I do think about it.
Throwaway because they don’t know yet. I’m going through a divorce and my attorney obtained multiple chat logs involving my spouse and multiple people in the Army. Everything from regular messages to WhatsApp, Signal, Snap, you name it, it’s there. I don't know how Army commands work or what the right things is, so I’m trying to make sure I don’t do something wrong.
Am I allowed to bring those chat logs to my spouse’s command during the divorce, or should I wait until after everything is finalized? I’m also worried about whether there could be legal or privacy issues with sharing them, even though my attorney got them. Any advice from people who know Army procedures, JAG, or have dealt with something similar would really help.
Anyway, I’ll take a triple cheeseburger meal with a small Diet Coke.
hi! my boyfriend (18m) hasn’t gotten a graduation date for his tech school down at keesler afb. I’m active duty army and I wanted to watch him graduate but I need a 2 week notice for submitting my leave form. he’s asked his MTI’s and school house instructors but they haven’t told him a thing. he’s been at keesler since febuary 7th and I just wanna know what’s going on. if anyone knows anything that could help me that would be amazing
😭🙏
Hello!
My husband ships out in late August for Basic. What are some absolute do’s and do-not’s for sending them mail?
I plan on sticking to basic envelopes and writing paper. Nothing that sticks out. I made some simple white address labels per his request, so he doesn’t have to write my address out. Are those allowed? I couldn’t find anything online ᵕ̈.
Pics? Any insights on amounts or if they can only be 4x6 on regular picture paper? He wants to buy a polaroid camera, but I’m unsure if that style of film is allowed.
I planned on sending stamps via mail in my letters as well. I’ve heard that the PX tends to run out fairly fast lol. (Bad idea or is that okay?)
I appreciate all of the tips and/or advice!
Hey guys my husband is getting deployed to Japan in September and I’m trying to find more answers on how to process is to also move there. I found an apartment and would Peabody move a couple months after he does so I have more time to prepare an as goodbye to everybody. But I’m curious about the process and if I could get a job on base possibly a get a working visa. I have already found a few apartments near the base I’m juts not sure how the renting process is or rlly anything. If anybody has done this before and could give me some tips and take me through the process that would be awesome!!! Also happy 4th!!!! 🇺🇸
We have been married for 3 years now. LEGALLY married. We are legally married, we have marriage certificate from the court. I just found out his BAH papers, and he has reported he is single without dependent. I’m just confused. The paper says false information would cause punishment. We have been fighting a lot because he lies all the time and he said he is a pathological liar but cannot stop himself. I want a divorce but I cannot afford a lawyer yet, so I’m waiting for the right time. I have the BAH papers, so I want to report this to the army and let them do inspection. Do I report this to Army OIG? What would be the punishment? I cannot and don’t want to live with this pathological liar anymore.
active duty coast guard here. recently got into a relationship with a very career-driven girl (wildland firefighter). currently long-distance but our plan to close the distance is me crossing my fingers i get BAH after A-school so she can move in with me (don’t wanna rush marriage)
i can tell im subconsciously forcing myself to be nearsighted to enjoy her presence but in the back of my mind I’m anxious longterm wondering that if she were to decide to make wildland fire a career then we’d essentially have to be long distance for half the year every year. however she’s considering on taking an EMT course while she’s with me so who knows maybe her interests change?
i know jobs in medicine, teaching, and remote jobs are more compatible with being a military spouse, but i’m curious if any of y’all’s spouses have made it work with different jobs than the usual spousal job picks (whether wildland fire or anything else/similar)
side note - neither of us want or are fond of children so becoming parents and children-related jobs are out of the question.
any advice appreciated, thank you.
Hi everyone! Rant incoming!! My partner is Air Force Reserves and his base was activated back in February. He’s been overseas since. This is all new for me, this is my first loved one who is in the military. Just looking for a space to vent with anyone who is going through the same thing..
Back in February we were on a trip to London. Half way through the trip he got a call from his supervisor saying that his base was being activated and had to report in a week. We were really bummed about the situation but could still enjoy the rest of the trip and get him ready to go knowing we had some time. Fast forward 36 hours later and we are boarding our flight home. He gets a call saying things changed and he has to report in 24 hours. Meanwhile.. we are still in London. He lives about an 8 hour drive from his base (another story there) so after a 9 hour flight we had about 3 hours to pack up his items for what was supposed to be 90 days, and then begin the drive, stopping over halfway where I live (we are long distance) so he could sleep and finish the drive in the morning.
When he left I was really sad for a good while, but was doing fine as we got closer to that 90 day mark… I’ve been able to keep myself busy with work, friends, and marathon training which has helped a ton. Here we are, five months later, and I am starting to feel sad again. We still have no word when he’s coming back. I feel like I am mourning all of the amazing things we had planned for the rest of this year. My brother is getting married at the end of the month which was I was so excited to celebrate together. I am also traveling to Australia for my marathon/30th birthday trip, which we were going to do together. It looks like he might be missing all of those events and I am so bummed.
We both know that being unexpectedly deployed is something to expect being Reserves, and ultimately this is what he signed up for. But wow it just sucks dealing with so much unknown. I think I would be feeling better if he was busy during his deployment, but according to him, he barely works. When he’s scheduled to come in, they usually tell him to not come in or he’s off 4/7 days of the week. The base where is staying is also overflowed, so all the Reserve folks are staying in hotels near the base. All of this just feels like a waste.
Anyways, appreciate anyone who read through this. Any advice on how to make through the rest of this unknown time is appreciated. For anyone who has a partner deployed and is struggling, I see you. ❤️
can I just get this off my chest. for the start i'm a married lesbian with the most amazing supportive wife. I'm the stay at home parent . grateful to have been for going on 3 years. we did swap and I was working but it works better when I'm at home. I'm a natural care taker and I love doing it . But because of something horrible that happened when I was a preteen I have bad Anxiety depression and dissociation. My wife completed basic training. we've been apart for 2 almost 3 months. she just made it to her AIT destination. While she was at basic I've been having severe anxiety which causes me to just sit in our room staring at the wall for days. I always sucked it up and put on a smile during our 1 call a week and in my letters. I cant tell her how I truly feel because being a soldier has been her childhood dream and she finally has someone (me) who supports her and motivates her enough to get through this and accomplish her dream. I want her to skip AIT and come home. Just be with me . but I also dont want to be selfish because she's doing soo amazing and I'm soo fucken proud of her. We currently stay with my mom and her boyfriend and i'm near alot of family but its not the same as having her here with me , you know? And her family is just idek how to explain it. But anyways my real feelings slipped out after I had an altercation with her parents. I had a panic attack which opened the box of emotions and I cried . I cried and cried It woke my son up and she called me which made me cry even more. she told me to call red cross and have her come home. Because my mental state is more important than A job. But now I feel even more worse if she gives up on her dream that she's half way through. I dont even think this is considered an emergency enough to get her to come home. I just need my wife. she's my comfort. I'm tired of lying to her about how I really feel and sucking it up. But I also dont want to be selfish. Theres soo much mixed emotions on the decision to make and I can feel myself falling apart about the thought of having to go back to where I felt myself slip into a dark space. I don't have suicidal thoughts and I dont want to end my life. I just dont want to do this apart anymore. She knows how I feel personally about my own family and her own. I'm basically alone while she does this. But I'm tired. Since she left I cried every night because of the stress being around people who only know you when it benefits them. I never meant for her to see me slip up but I couldn't stand the thought of her leaving for AIT and about to be gone for almost 6 months. I'm soo stuck because I want her to succeed in AIT like I know she can but I dont wanna be around these people any longer. Am I crazy or something? Because I took care of everything while she was gone but I lost myself. I know the price of being a stay at home parent and its not the issue. Its everything and everyone outside of it. I want her to atleast spend a week with me so I can let this all out comfortably . Soo Am I wrong? Is this normal? If I do is this something good enough to call redcross for?
backstory: my spouse and i were dual military until i recently ETS’d. i was in 8 years, him 12, dual 7. when my ETS date came up, we decided i would get out and SAHM until our youngest was in school (she’s 4), and go back to school in the meantime. when HIS ETS date approached, he reenlisted for Ft. Campbell (we were at Carson) with a position that would give us stabilization for several years. (he is in a specialized unit that doesn’t have orders from HRC).
Okay- to now:
we moved from Carson to Campbell, which i am thrilled with because my family (my 92 yo meemaw :’) ) and both of our families are 3-5 hours away from us, much better than the 21 hour car ride from CO. We bought our DREAM HOUSE, my older daughter loves her new school (7yo), I’m starting school, things are like…good.
A couple of days ago, my spouse came to me and told me that he’s going to take a position…at JBLM. My spouse (SSG) LOVES the army, and thrives in the army, too. He’s very much a “Yes Man” (sir lol) so when they asked him “would you be ok with this?” He said yes. (Not sure what the convo would have been if he said no or pushed back).
I. Am. Gutted. Everything was falling into place. We haven’t been here a year and we’re already pre-planning to move in the spring AGAIN after I thought this was going to be stable for several years. Selling our dream house. Pulling my children out of school.
I know. I KNOW. I was in the army long enough to know they like to screw you over when you least expect it. And I knew we eventually would likely PCS, just not a year later when this position was supposed to give us years of stability. And yeah, could we rent the house out instead of selling it? Maybe. But without someone paying exponentially high rent, I don’t know if i could swing paying this mortgage + whatever we get in JBLM, and what if it gets absolutely destroyed by renters? Idk. My mind is absolutely all over the place and I’m sad.
TL;DR moving across the country and I’m pissy about it.
I’m just so over it.
Homecoming is supposed to be this month. Instead, they extended it another three months. What’s frustrating is that this isn’t the first time. Last deployment was supposed to be six months… it turned into nine.
I understand how the military works. Missions change. Timelines shift. Nothing is ever truly guaranteed. I know all of that.
But what I don’t understand is why they give families these return dates when they so often end up changing. Sometimes I wish they’d just say, “Plan for a year,” and if they get to come home early, then it’s a wonderful surprise. Instead, you spend months counting down to a date, letting yourself believe it’s finally almost over, only to have that finish line moved again.
You get a timeline and you tell yourself not to get your hopes up. But there’s always that tiny sliver of hope that maybe, just maybe, this time they’ll actually come home when they said they would.
And when that hope gets crushed… it hurts every single time. And especially for the kids.
Disappointed, but not surprised. Just so effin over it.
Hello All,
My husband is USCG and just PCS’d to Boston. I am 19 weeks pregnant and need to find an OBGYN and PCM.
After calling TRICARE East multiple times, I was finally assigned a relevant PCM. The issue is that they don’t have availability until 3 months after my due date. I need an OBGYN now. The other PCMs were no longer available or taking new patients. Hanscom Air Force Base is no longer accepting dependents.
I’m in a bind and need to have specific care within the next few weeks to keep the pregnancy healthy.
What would you do?
My partner is going on his first deployment.
I already have anxieties regarding our relationship. We've been together 10 yrs with 2 kids and still not engaged. He frequently talks about other women and says things like you should do x,y,z thing to alter your appearance.
I have no suspicion atm because he is always home and he leaves his phone unlocked near me frequently.
Im not confident that presented with the opportunity, he values our relationship enough to not act on his immediate desires.
We also do not have open communication where I feel comfortable to just bring up my concerns.
Pls give me all your first deployment advice.
Thank you in advance
hello just looking for some broad advice, my husband is in the CG, has been for 6 years he is looking to make it a career. We got a one year old and are planning on having a few more. I’m just concerned with all the moving around we will be doing about the quality of education she will be receiving. It’s not really in budget to do private school for 12 years for multiple kids. So we have been toying with the idea of home school but weren’t sure. We are Catholic and I have heard some good things about Kolbe academy onlime so maybe that. Just looking for some advice on how people liked the base schools vs home schooling and just generally what worked best for them. thanks! God bless!
Hes a good man hes just dumb. Something I have told myself for the past 2 years. I've been going through enough and I know people react diffrent but theres not really any comparison or anything coming from him and Im tired of battling on my own. Recently one of my best friends since kindergarten was murdered and I want nothing more than to go home. Divorce had already been mention months before this. He clearly doesn't want it hes not a cheater hes not abusive hes just a bit dumb and it keeps causing struggle for me. I've lost all certificates and qualifications not with being overseas and I just feel hollow. My mom's health is also dwindling and the most I get is "man that sucks". I genuinely dont know what to do at this point hes kind of planning on my joining when we get back from overseas in about 2 years aswell. I just dont know anymore but I feel like I should leave and especially since its the only way the military will help be move back to the states just even to help my family and friends I really don't know what to do maybe some of you have ideas or have been in similar situations.
So, I am a veteran myself but my wife and I have been married for 10 years. I've been in and around the military for almost 20 years now so I should know how things go. Sadly, a couple years ago our family changed in a way we could not see coming. This change has forced me to become a stay at home dad which is something that is very hard for me to do. I've been doing alright but I feel like our relationship may be struggling a little these days.
Due to the stress of our complicated family life and her ever changing jobs in the military, our relationship has become all business and no play. We've become transactional in our interactions and the spark is all but gone.
What's compounding our issues is that I am a male spouse and disabled veteran. It's pretty hard trying to find friends as a male spouse. Most people avoid me like the plague which sucks! I'm a pretty cool guy.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just feeling some type of way right now. Maybe I'm not looking at the the bright side of life, but life is sure lonely around here these days even with the whole family home.
For those of you who have had a career gap do to the military, how was it when you went back to work?
For background, I worked in my current career field for about two years while I was dating my husband. I was so good at my job. I always excelled, won awards, received praise, etc.
I moved in while we were engaged, got married, and I had a baby soon after. Throughout all that time I didn’t work because I was finishing up graduate school, pregnant (while completing an internship) and taking care of my baby. Three people in my family died during that time, including my mother. In total, I had about a two year gap of unemployment. Additionally, we PCSed 3 times during those two years.
When I got a job at our current duty station, I thought I could just jump right back in and be the superstar I was in my career previously. That obviously didn’t happen lol. I was SO rusty. I pretty much forgot everything. Looking back though, that was pretty naive of me to think I could just jump right back in.
So the military life, life itself and the glorious motherhood tax really made my career take a nose dive. It’s really taken a toll on my confidence. I’m just wondering if anyone else has ever dealt with this?
So my husband (navy) and I are working through our first PCS move while I’m in my third trimester of pregnancy (yay!). He was in the reserves for the last four years and in professional school (HPSP program) and during that time obviously I was the breadwinner. I had a well paying government job during the time that I will obviously now have to leave when we move and am unsure about what to do moving forward. Job hunting at the tail end of pregnancy seems like a crap shoot but everyone I’ve talked with seems to think I’m being too negative? I feel like no one really understands the complexity’s of moving and how it can impact the spouses career especially with this unique blend of military/medicine/family planning. To make matters worse this is only a one year assignment so it’s not like I have the advantage of waiting until after I give birth. I’m not opposed to being a stay at home parent temporarily but I feel like everytime I bring it up people react with indifference or judgement.
Additionally since I currently have a job I’m trying to work as long as possible before I have to move (literally waiting until that 34 week travel ban mark hits) and I’m the only spouse left behind. All his other command mates had their spouses come with and it feels like I’m weirdly getting judged for not immediately picking up and moving with him? Yet when I talk about being unemployed/moving without a job lined up I weirdly feel judged for that too. It basically feels like I can’t win.
Like I said I’m not opposed to finding a job or being a stay at home parent but I also think I need to be realistic about timelines and what’s an option for me. And I feel like I’m met with indifference from others. Like raising a baby isn’t work? Like I should just settle for the first job I find? Like I’m a bad and unsupportive partner for choosing to stay behind and work at my current job? I don’t feel like I’m doing anything right. Now don’t get me wrong my husband is great and supporting whatever I want to do but I guess I’m weirdly sensitive to the fact that our community around us is not being supportive the same way? Like why can’t anyone just be like “that’s such a good plan” or “yeah I understand the job markets hard, go at your own pace”. Rather I’m only given advice rather then assurance and it’s driving me nuts. Anyway I just needed to rant about this.
Also I stg if one more person suggests I “just get a remote job” I’m going to lose it. Maybe it’s the hormones but the rage and frustration is freaking real right now.
Our 14 year old has been having a hard time with having no family around. This is our first PCS and this fall we will be here 2 years. I know military kids sacrifice a lot. He’s especially missing his cousin that’s only 5 months older than him. They have been close for years. We traveled to our hometown last summer and stayed a month and two weeks at Christmas. We will be back for 2.5 weeks soon and November for my sister’s wedding and thanksgiving. I can’t help but to feel guilty as a parent. His dad has always been in the reserves and then went active. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. I just want to help him. I do think school being out, he has all this time to dwell. I also try my best to explain to him that lots of people live away from family and unfortunately it’s apart of life.
Hi all, my partner is a US Army member stationed near Seoul and we’re seriously discussing marriage.
Before we take that step, I’m trying to understand what working life would actually look like for me as a dependent on a SOFA/A-3 visa. I would like to mention that I’m a foreign national and not an American citizen, nor a Korean.
Has anyone worked for a Korean company or an American institution (school, base, NGO…) while on a SOFA/A-3? Would love to hear how the process went and any things you wish you’d known. Thanks!