r/MilitarySpouse

My husband is currently deployed and I am back home with our two kids. I am a sahm and have no access to anything money wise. Every month it’s a struggle getting any financial help from me, he doesn’t respond, hasn’t even asked about his kids in months, and now yesterday I took our kids out and we ended up stranded because he didn’t pay my phone bill and I had no way of calling/texting anyone all while in 100 degree heat. As well as he has missed my car payment.
If I go to family legal will they actually help? I heard I can just ask to have the bah he gets paid automatically sent to my account. I honestly don’t know much about military because he has kept me out of it but I have hit a breaking point. Thank you 🙃

I am a male spouse. Currently in the Reserve, and I’m at a crossroads trying to make a long term decision.

My wife is Active Duty and will be stationed overseas. We’re aligned on staying together, and location flexibility isn’t the issue for us.

Where I’m stuck is career direction. I currently hold a federal civilian position, but I’m likely giving that up due to relocation. My Reserve situation hasn’t really been supportive or giving me meaningful progression, and I’m being pushed toward an IRR path that doesn’t really fit what I want long-term.

I’m seriously considering going Active Duty so I can have a structured career path, benefits, and long-term progression instead of piecing together every PCS.

At the same time, I’m trying to be realistic about risks- uncertainty of where I’d be stationed initially or
whether dual-active actually improves stability or just shifts the complexity.

I’m not trying to vent.. I’m trying to make a grounded decision before I commit to something that affects both of us in the long run.

For anyone who’s been in a similar situation…

Did going Active Duty from a spouse actually improve career stability?

Was dual-military worth it vs one spouse staying civilian/Reserve?

How messy was the transition period?

Any real-world experiences are appreciated.

Hi all!

The key spouse (air force) for our group is leaving due to retirement and we are putting together a basket for her. I wanted to put a few words together about how helpful she is and how thankful we are but I don't want to use ai. Any ideas????

My research team at the University of Kansas Medical Center is conducting a study on the impact of military life on the family home environment and child/adolescent health behaviors and weight status.

We are looking for spouses of military service members who have a school-aged child (ages 5 to 18) to participate (see eligibility criteria below). Participation includes completing a brief survey, a virtual height and weight assessment of their child, and, if interested, a 45-minute interview.

Eligibility:

*Parent of a school-aged child or adolescent (ages 5 to 18)

*Current spouse/partner of an active-duty or active guard reserves (AGR) U.S. military service member

*Access to a scale and tape measure for height and weight measures

*Access to a device capable of video calls

*Able to read and speak English

Let me know if you have any questions. Feel free to share with anyone else!

Survey link: https://redcap.kumc.edu/surveys/?s=9FDTPXHF8LM3KX4N

My husbands legal state of residence is Florida. I am trying to claim Florida residency. We got married last year, and claimed Florida residency for me on our taxes. We just moved from Texas to Oklahoma, and I was waiting to get my Florida documentation when we got to a more permanent duty station. Now that we are settled in I figured it's time to get a driver's license and car registration with Florida (which he has already). But, Florida is saying I am not allowed to get a "first time" driver's license there unless I am in person which I will not be for the foreseeable future. For context, we don't have a permanent residence in Florida and on my husbands license he has an out of state address, not sure if that matters.

My question is: Can I get an Oklahoma Driver's license/registration, but still claim Florida residency with my husband? Or should I Frankenstein it and get an Oklahoma license/Florida registration, or should I try and get down to Florida to get them both there?

Thanks for your help! Sorry if this belongs in some megathread. I didn't see anything relating to this, but I am also bad at using reddit.

New milspo, doing my first PCS. What is the best area to live in, trying to gauge where we should live.

Hey everyone,

So I'll start with the following information, my husband is a Company Commander in the National Guard (reserves) and does this "part time" (in reality it's a second full time job). He is also a project manager for a construction/restoration company and is very busy in his civilian job. It takes him out of town pretty regularly, sometimes for a night or two even. When you pair this with his obligations with the NG, his drill weekends (which wind up being more like Thursday-Sunday) and his unit is 4.5 hours away... Paired with his AT every year, I'm alone with my kids A LOT.

Last year I tried to go back to work since my daughter was almost 3. Unfortunately daycare illnesses hit us really hard and within 6 weeks of the new job I had missed 11 days of work due to illnesses like hand foot and mouth, covid and my son breaking his wrist and needing surgery. I was fired... On mother's day week of all weeks. I have still yet to recover from the embarrassment and total killer to my confidence that I can hold a full time job with no help. I have no village to help keep my kids when sick or anyone to fall back on when I have to be at work. We have very little family and the little family have works full time and or just doesn't care to help.

My husband has been expressing how he'd like me to go back to work soon so we have the extra money to save and use to do things we'd like since his income pretty much covers living expenses and retirement. However, I see this to be impossible right now. Last year during the madness he was too busy to help and take off work... So now I fear it'll be the same case once again and because of that I feel trying is absolutely pointless right now. Even a part time gig is really hard to navigate because his schedule is so unpredictable and hectic. Currently our daughter is in daycare/preschool program 2 days a week and I considered getting a part time job at a hardware store or something those two days if they'll even consider me. My previous work experience is in an office setting, I had an actual career in purchasing which I tried to go back into, however we see how that ended.

How do I express and help my husband understand that although I desperately would love to go back to work, trying to make this work after what happened last year and the amount of work he is still involved with makes me working incredibly difficult and puts too much on my shoulders? He claims it won't be like last year but I know him and I know his work will always come first while I'm left on the back burner. He's the breadwinner and that's been made clear.

Do I attempt to go part time (16-20 hours a week) in a much lesser field than I previously was in or just flat out make it clear until our youngest is older I will be a stay at home parent? I know for certain as long as he's in the military (especially in command) trying to work on my own personal career is nearly impossible. My daughter turns 4 this summer, next year she will finally start kindergarten but even then, it's only half days. I really don't know how to navigate any of this and no one seems to understand the struggle having a spouse with two jobs to this capacity. I fear any place that would accept part time will require me outside to the two days I can give and therefore will not even consider giving me a chance anyway. Another blow I don't know I'm willing to take...

Anyway, any advice or stories you have to share would be greatly appreciated. Feel like my back is up against a wall and I'm not being heard or understood at this point.

So my husband has been in for 12 years, has lots of coins and I know he has been wanting one of those big american flag wooden displays for his office. I was thinking about getting one for our 4th anniversary gift but is that a weird occasion for that? I can't think of anything else at the moment that would be something he actually wants.

I was thinking of engraving a note on the back, that wouldn't be visible when hung up, just saying I'm proud of him for his accomplishments etc and happy anniversary. Or would that ruin it/not be wanted from a military member? Thanks!

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My husband joined the Army in Oct 2025 and is stationed at Fort Polk. I’m currently 35 weeks pregnant, due June 24, and extremely high risk due to prior placenta accreta and advanced maternal age. I also have a hernia, a 10-month-old, and two teenagers at home.

Both my civilian specialist and the on-base doctor documented that I should not transfer care and that no nearby hospitals can safely handle my delivery. We’re in the middle of EFMP, but before medical documentation was even reviewed, his command kept insisting he move us to Louisiana anyway, even saying they’d “lifeflight” me to Houston if needed.

They denied our dependent-location BAH request without even sending it to finance, denied compassionate reassignment before EFMP was complete, and told him he has to move us there shortly after my delivery/recovery period. Because of the denied BAH, our income dropped drastically and we can’t afford San Diego rent on Louisiana rates anymore.

I also have no family support nearby, and because our income was cut, I can no longer afford to pay the person who had been helping me with childcare and daily tasks.

My husband is currently at JRTC with no transportation, and the command is saying they may only allow him to miss the day before the birth if I provide induction paperwork. We contacted a congressman, but they need the official denial paperwork first.

I have 36 days until my due date and genuinely don’t know what else to do to get him home before the baby comes. Has anyone dealt with something similar involving EFMP, compassionate reassignment, or dependent-location BAH? Is there anything we can do to get him home sooner than a day before I give birth???

*Edit - As of today my EFMP screening is approved and I am enrolled in Medical EFMP

In this economy... I need all the help I can get. Please share any and all discounts you know that are available to military/milspouses!

• National Park Pass for free!!
• ExpertVoice: free for military, veterans, milspouses; good discounts but awesome flash deals up to 60% every once in awhile
• EpicPass: steeply discounted ski/snowboard pass for a lot of ski resorts in US and overseas
• Home Depot (10% in store or online)
• GE Appliances (website)

So im new to all this. I havent been with my partner long (coming up on a year), and most has been distance. Both with me leaving for travel/work, and him now leaving for deployment for the next 2 years. Currently we are looking at about 3 years total of distance with no chance for us to be fully together until at least June 2029.

I came home after 4 months to him just to find out he had cheated. With 4 separate girls. Ive been wearing my ring still, I decided to stay.. but I leave in 2 days and I have no idea when the next time ill see him is. Im not really sure what im looking for here, but has anyone else gone through this and made it work with the distance? Recovering in a relationship after infidelity is hard enough as is when you arent long distance (trust me I know, been through this many times 🤦‍♀️), but ive never tried to repair and build a relationship after infidelity long distance. With the work he does, the work i do. The time differences. Me going back to school to finish my degree. Im just at a loss on what steps to even take, things to implement, discussions to have. How to build that trust again.

We dont have kids. We dont own anything together. Really theres nothing financial or "serious" I suppose that would make a split difficult. I just dont think I have the strength to leave and I guess I would rather see him put the work in and help repair us rather than give up, which he seems willing to do (so far. Its only been a week, we'll see how it goes in a month lol)

Thanks in advance 💜

Hello!

I’m a bit confused about dental insurance using United Concordia. I’m enrolled and what not I was mainly wondering if you need a separate insurance card or if you use your military spouse ID at an appointment??

So before I start this post, I do wanna say that I am not going to leave him unless this happens again. I don’t think that he cheated physically, but I will never be sure about that. The day after he came home, I found out that he had been texting his ex for nudes and sending her ton of money. I just need advice on how to move past this and how I can develop trust for him again. Whenever I found everything out, he immediately blocked her and promised me that he would never do something like this again even though the entire time he was on rotation I was asking him if he was cheating on me because I had a weird feeling, and he was telling me no and that he promised he wasn’t. I also found out that he had asked other random women online to hook up while I was away in our home state (to my knowledge nothing came of that). I then found out that he had a dating app, but he said he never met up with anybody from there and he had deactivated his account. I just don’t know how to trust him, but I really want to be able to fix our marriage because he is a great man and he is an amazing father. So if you guys know of any resources for counseling or just any general advice, that would be awesome. Also, if you’re just gonna tell me to leave him, please don’t bother commenting, respectfully

Hi all,

I am a new Navy spouse. My husband has just joined and it seems like we’ll be going to Sasebo Japan. We’ve just talked about it with his detailer today so all very new. In my research I found out about overseas screening and EFMP which I will likely have to enroll in.

I have asthma and am on a self administered biologic for this. This biologic is also approved in Japan. It’s extremely well controlled and I have only required one course of steroids in the past two years due to an acute viral illness. Otherwise my asthma is well controlled, has never required hospitalization or any emergency care. How worried do I need to be that it will be denied? Thanks all!

Hi! My spouse is active duty and getting bad blisters on his feet. I definitely think that it is his shoes that he wears for PT and also socks. He doesn’t do buying new things a lot but I really want some advice to possible help minimize the blisters.

When he get them, he also just waits for them to pop on their own or will get impatient and pop them. Any advice is appreciated!

Hi everyone, I'm a bit worried, this is the first time my husband and I will be pcsing together, and it's OCONUS. I got enrolled in EMFP and family vector is saying the submitted to gaining base step has been completed for two weeks now. I was sent a pamphlet (like I'm sure most of you have) that says normal processing times. It says this step should take less than 7 days. Which I'm sure ends up taking longer like 90% of the time. But the return no later than date is coming up and my husband already has his tickets. I'm not going with but will be traveling in the winter after I graduate with my masters and save up some money while I still have a job. I have some medical issues, endometriosis, pots, and IBS. All of which the treatment has basically been "lifestyle changes" with minimal medication other than some "as needed" stuff for pain. I'm not sure how strict it is going overseas and I'm just scared of his orders being unaccompanied and for it never to be able to be changed. I'm not sure if any of you have any advice or can tell me if I'm just being paranoid. I'm so new to all of this and don't know what to expect or do, I apologize.

I've been an AD mil-spouse for 20 years with 11 PCS moves under our belt. This past year we have done 2 full DITY moves with just my husband and me. I just want to give a big shoutout of support to all the hard working mil-spouses during PCS season! It is amazing what a strong spouse can do during these times. You all are amazing and I want to give all of you a big hug of support! Happy PCS season everyone❤️❤️❤️

Any tips out there to make this move for me and wife and 4 kids a lot easier and less stressful. Im still about 5 and 1/2 months out on approved orders already. What can i do to make this easier on us and not stress out? Only have one car thats the biggest worry as of now.

Happy Monday!

The first step in being a military spouse is dating! We have all been there, some of us are still there and that's why you are here! The miliary lifestyle for the non military members of any relationship/family is unique and challenging in it's own ways and when you aren't even an offical part of the service member's family it can get even stranger!

Maybe you're here to see if something is a little sus...

Maybe you are here to ask questions about specific concerns you have with continuing down the path like employment opportunities, travel, being away from family and friends..

Whatever the case may be, I promise you that there are those of us here who want to help, but posts get burried and often times it's the same questions over and over again! Drop what you have below and see if there is anything you can help with!

Hey everyone, I just need a space to vent a little and hopefully hear from others who've been through something similar.

We have a PCS coming up, and as most of you know, that means uprooting everything. I've been working for the county as a project manager and genuinely love my job. When I found out we'd be relocating to a pretty rural area with limited local opportunities in my field, I submitted a request for a remote work exemption, thinking it was a reasonable ask given the circumstances.

I got denied.

I'm honestly still processing it. I put together what I thought was a solid case. Our move is military-ordered, the area we're heading to doesn't have many options in my field, and my work is the kind that can absolutely be done remotely. It felt like it didn't matter. Like the fact that my wife serves and that we don't exactly get a say in where we go or when just… wasn't a factor.

It's one of those moments where the weight of this lifestyle hits differently. You sacrifice so much as a military spouse, your career included, and sometimes it feels like the world outside this community doesn't really get that.

For those of you who've faced something similar:

- Did you appeal the decision and if so did it work?

- Did you end up finding work in your field after a PCS to a rural area?

- Are there remote government or PM roles you'd recommend looking into?

- How did you cope with the career disruption emotionally?

I'm trying to stay hopeful and practical but today is a hard day. Any advice, solidarity, or success stories would mean a lot 💙