u/impicklimg

My wife is currently at AIT she's currently training to be a cook. Asked her about graduation. She doesn't want me to attend because she thinks I'm wasting money for a one hour presentation. Ask her about if she'll have any type of leave or a couple days that we could spend together after her training. I was told that she would have no days off and that we couldn't see each other. As far as BAH I haven't been receiving anything since early July because everything is deposited in her account. She said that she is unhappy and doesn't wanna be together. And when I pressed her about it, I asked her if she wanted a divorce. She said that she wants to work things out, but everything's been one sided. I know that the schooling is hard and i'm trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but my gut is telling me one thing. And I just don't know. Because if that's a road we're gonna go down, I need to know what I need to do as a spouse.

My wife is going through basic training right now. And she goes off the airborne, and then to AIT. To say that I have missed her is an understatement. My yearning feels almost unbearable at times. And the emotional exhaustion, it's just sometimes too much. But she has gone through every step every hurdle, every pushup, every ruck, everything that they've thrown at her, she has taken a smashed it, it made it hers. I try to be the wind beneath her wings and to pick her up when she feels like she's falling. When she calls me, I can hear the weariness in her voice.

For the ten minutes, I get to talk to her ten minutes is all we have, ten minutes to make it count, 10 minutes to say everything that we want to say, but we can't, 10 minutes, what do I have to tell her? I look down and my ten minutes is up. For we only have 10 minutes to say everything we have to say gotta make it count because we wait another week for another 10 minutes to say I love you again and again until we can see them. And hold them in our arms. Because I know that when she stands in that field, what her head held high marching in with her infantry standing with her platoon that my heart will be bursting with joy at the sight of the woman that she has become. For a short time, we will celebrate for what she has done. And before we know it ten minutes that's all we'll get to say our last goodbyes until the next time we meet again.

Today was really hard. I've developed new routines in the last month. I'm just here to vent i didn't get a chance to talk to her for that long yesterday. I have changed cities and I have changed jobs nothing feels right anymore. We've been married for 7 years and I've been wrapped up my whole world around us that I feel I've come too dependent on it. I feel hollow and empty inside. I've got people to talk to but the person I want to see the most is out of reach. I write letters and send them everyday.

All I can say is this isn't for the weak but I fear I'm losing the battle everyday and that this hopeless feeling will take over completely and depression will claim another victim. For I know that the end of the journey is near and it brings me comfort.