r/USMilitarySO

Can I just rant a bit?

My boyfriend of almost two years has been deployed almost four months now on a submarine. Contact has been very very little, which is expected. This is his first deployment. But it’s been over a month now, and I haven’t gotten a email or anything. It’s a little demoralizing.

I’ve been doing everything to keep the time passing, seeing friends and family. I work full time, hobbies, weekend trips, etc, but this long stretch has really started to get to me. I’ve had previous issue with depression, so I went back on medication a couple months ago, but still I feel low because of this. I just miss my best friend.

I imagine both are hard, but I just wanted to tap into others' thoughts about this subject.

I originally posted this on AIO, but would like a different perspective. Throw away for obvious reasons.

My husband (27m) graduates from the US Air Force boot camp (it’s about 2 months long). Before he left, he told me he didn’t want me there at graduation. I was really upset about it, especially since this is such a huge milestone and I wanted to be there to tap him out. Throughout our relationship he’s made decisions without really involving me, including joining the military. I (21f) told him before he left that if he changed his mind, to let me know because I’d really love to come. He also told me not to take it personally because he wouldn’t want his mom there either, but she lives in another country so she wouldn’t be able to anyway.

Since they barely get phone access during boot camp, most communication has to be through letters. I got my first mail from him with his printed graduation information, and on the back he wrote “I love you.” I know this part is on me, but I took that as him changing his mind about me coming, and I got excited and bought plane tickets. I admit I should have confirmed it first before spending the money, but I genuinely thought things had changed. I sent him a letter telling him how excited I was to see him and celebrate.

He recently got access to text briefly and told me he still does not want me to come and that I need to “figure it out” with the plane tickets. The tickets are nonrefundable, but I can change the dates. Hundreds of families and spouses attend the 2 day graduations to celebrate their airman, and I can’t understand why he doesn’t want me there. I’ve asked him for a reason, but he won’t really give me one.

What should I do? I feel stuck and about to crash out.

Edit: The mail I received was a printed out invitation with graduation information "It is my distinct honor to welcome you to our extended family, and I am pleased to invite you to celebrate this milestone. Graduation events are scheduled for..." along with him writing on the back "love you bighead" and the addresses on the envelope itself. I thought he wouldn't have mailed it if he still didn't want me coming, but comments are telling he may have been forced to mail it (but why not write don't come still or something?) especially since he knew just how badly I wanted to go. I do have my dependent ID, on tricare, his TRS/FLT numbers, and pics of him on lackland photos website for his specific squadron. He's in the guard. We are legally married and don't have kids.

Can I get in with just my DOD card? I don’t need to be on any formal graduation pass list?

I will update this at the end of next month after graduation. Will keep editing if I feel there are more questions needing to be answered.

I’m only guessing but maybe you guys can help me with what you think. Everyone close to us agrees with me but I love giving the benefit of the doubt especially for those I love.

Starting out he told me they didn’t accept chime for direct deposit and had to create a synovus account. I was curious if that was true since we have a shared account with chime. I got a weird feeling in my stomach then but was like nah, he’s never had a history of doing stuff like that hence the shared account.

Around Easter he called me and thought we were in a financial crisis. I told him we aren’t but we will be soon and it’s better to link the accounts. He said he would wait until then and I told him it was fine since we still had money then but I didn’t know they only get 1 call per phase at that time.

Fast forward to the 13th of April, and they called again. It was because everyone was having financial issues. I told him to link the accounts on chime and he logged into chime cause I was notified he did but he didn’t link them. He spent the whole telling me how hard it is and I got sidetracked. It wasn’t until after I noticed he didn’t. I was close to financially struggling.

I sent a letter before Mother’s Day saying we were out of money and my only option was to leave to California with my mom and get a job. I was going to miss his graduation but I didn’t know what else to do for our 7 mo old. He called me on Mother’s Day and said he told his DS and would fix it the following Wednesday. Well I got an email he logged into mypay on Monday the 11th. No letter or anything letting me know what happened and no money either. Ever since then he has yet to send a letter. I’ve been in limbo with no money. I’m waiting because I don’t want to just dip out on his graduation. And thankfully my mom is helping me to make that happen.

But in the back of my mind I feel like it was deliberate and I’m giving him waaay too much benefit of the doubt. Everyone in our social circle thinks so but again he’s never done anything quite like this. He tells me he loves me and to wait but doesn’t help to make it happen. What do you think? Am I overreacting or under reacting?

Is there a specific attire for family day and basic training graduation?

I have no clue what to wear 🫣

Hi everyone. I am in such a difficult position. My partner’s BAH has been delayed since February and his pay has been incorrect. We are currently in a 7600$ hole with our property manager and every day I feel immense stress of being removed from our apartment.

They have been super nice and understand during this time as this delay is out of my hands. He has been to finance nearly twice a week now that he is in AIT and they just don’t file paperwork with intent. I am seeing people from his company receive BAH finally and I check his account every day hoping to see it, but nothing deposits.

What can I do? I am so behind to where I feel like throwing my hands up and accepting defeat but I know that isn’t the correct option. I don’t know if anyone helps fund these situations? He went to ask about an AER yesterday and they said they’d only loan him $1000. Which of course would help but it’s just a major bummer that the people who are supposed to pay and make sure he has a place to return to, ultimately don’t seem to care.

I am trying to remain positive and understand this situation but I sadly have to say I am feeling resentment. I am so stressed and I have no idea what to do. We don’t have family to turn to and it’s just gotten to a point where I don’t even care to think of it anymore.

We are coming up on lease renewal and they will not renew our lease with an unpaid balance and I have asked so many times if I could make partial payments but they won’t accept anything besides the full balance.

This might sounds silly but I’m working with minimal information right now. My Fiancé is leaving for AIT in July. His AIT is supposed to be 9 months and I’m trying my very best to figure out what to do. We don’t want to be apart for that long but I’m not sure what my options are. Would I be able to live on base with him once we get married? How often is he allowed to leave base? Would it be worth it to move up by his base (Fort Huachuca)? Has anyone been in a similar situation?

So me and my boyfriend are always picking on and rage baiting each other and giving each other nicknames that someone on the outside looking in would find offensive. For example, I call him a crayon eater (even though he's in the Army and not the Marines) and new boot (just to annoy him).

I need help finding new nicknames for him. He comes up with nicknames for me so easily because I'm short. But I want something that'll aggravate the crap outta him!

🚨 PLEASE HELP ME FIND ONE 🚨

so my boyfriend just gave me the news a few weeks ago about wanting to go to the military and plans to leave in august. He still has to take the real test but passed the practice so I trying to prepare. I wasn’t for it at first I wanted him to look at all his options but he said he had no aspirations. After talking with people I learned the military isn’t the worst thing to join considering the benefits and the discipline.

The problem is his mental. He had this idea of running and going through depression of not feeling good enough. Now he says he doesn’t want me to wait because he wants to be a real soldier as a navy seals because he looking forward to war. Saying his future is death and he chasing it because he doesn’t want to be on this earth anymore. He says he cant kill him self so he tryna find the fastest way to get out of this world and get to God.

I honestly just need advice on what to do. Or what to say. Because Ive been mentally preparing myself and trying to understand his decision thinking he will come back and that this is a stepping stone for his future but in reality he just sees this as a way out of this world.

Hi! I had a rough time at the post office the other day so I'm looking for some advice or ways to make sending out care packages easier. I've been sending homemade cookies to my fiance weekly since he gave me his address. Everytime I go to the post office, no matter how well I think I have the customs form filled out and the package ready to go, I'm always there for at least 20-30 minutes. I do send more than one box each time so that he has enough to share with the rest of the guys over there too, so I realize that could add on to the time it takes for the post office to get it in the system.

Is this normal for sending out of country, or is there anything I can do to simplify or help out the postal workers? Honestly, I never got the feeling from the postal worker that I was a pain in the ass, they've always been so helpful and patient with me... But this past time when I was in the line behind me was getting annoyed and being very vocal about it. With him gone, things are getting heavy and hearing people complain about me holding up the line just made me feel awful. Normally, I can shrug off stuff like that, it like I said things are heavy and I don't have all the patience I once used it. I ended up crying and tearing up pretty good in the post office. All I wanted to do want turn around and say to the people complaining that I'm sending my deployed fiance cookies and I'd much rather be baking and handing them to him when he is home rather than shipping them to God knows where and holding up this line. All I could do in the moment was freeze and tear up. I want to make things easier for the postal workers, that includes dealing with awful people that would complain to them as well. I know it's not my job, but I still feel bad. If that makes sense.

Hi, as the title says I’m scared my husband is cheating on me. He’s on deployment. I have no knowledge about how deployments work. I have no proof he is cheating. He’s distant says he’s just busy, texts me once a day, but has time to play sports, watch a show etc. One day he texted he was done with work, I responded to his texts, asked questions and got a response 20Hours later when he sent a random post. And I ignored it and we haven’t spoken for 3 days now. In the mean time he sent 2 random tiktoks and that’s it. I called him today -no answer, he texted later “what?” And I sent a long text saying how I felt and he just replied saying he was fine and going to sleep. Completely disregarding what I had said. In the past year and a half we only saw each other for a week. I am losing my mind and don’t know how to deal with everything. Any advice?

Hi again, hoping to get more insight from you guys! My partner has been gone underway for about 3 weeks now. I still haven’t received his emails but mine are finally not bouncing back anymore. Every time he’s at port tho, he calls me. I found it he got to one yesterday but I didn’t get a call or text. They usually ship out the next day.

Am I overreacting? I’m new to this and I don’t know what his schedule is like or if he’s even allowed off the boat every time they’re at a port. Plus he doesn’t have his phone with him (he’s called me from 2 different numbers so far). He’s never given me a reason to doubt him so I don’t want to jump to conclusions. But, I also don’t want to be naive if this amount of communication isn’t normal. I would’ve thought the emails would be working by now but I have no way of knowing. At what point should I start to assume it’s possible I’m being ghosted? He gave me his mom’s number and said I should reach out to her if I don’t hear from him or have questions. We’re not exactly close yet so I’d hate to bother her with his if her son is just avoiding me lol.

It’s never occurred to me that that could be the case, but this is the first time he’s been at port and hasn’t at least texted me. I was so excited to see that his boat was coming in just to not hear from him. That plus not getting any emails (though he does say he’s been sending them). I hate to doubt him when we’ve never had any issues in our relationship, and I know what he’s going through probably isn’t easy. I’m hoping some insight will help me make more informed guesses and relax a little bit. He was an E4 Nuke when he left if that makes a difference. Thank you friends 🖤

I don't know if this is the right place to ask, but I saw other posts similar to mine.

It's her first time on deployment and she'll be gone for six months, with only a week of vacation after the first three months. Se has been acting strangely and doesn't want to talk about it in phone call or facetime.

We've been together for a little over two years, one of which was long-distance, where we saw each other in person every couple of weeks. During this time we talked about our future together and we agreed on everything. Although the relationship was going well, in the past three weeks she is texting me less and saying that she forgets to answer me. In the meantime we met in person and everything seemed to be going well. Some days ago i asked her what was wrong and she sad she's been thinking about breaking up, she also said no longer feels the spark (I think that's normal after two years).

Despite this, she admits she's happy with me, that I did a lot for her and that she would like to maintain our relationship, but maybe not as lovers. She's also exaggerating issues she's never talked about before, but which could be resolved with enough time, saying she doesn't want to bring them with her and wants to focus on work. She seems confused about anything regarding why she wants to breakup and can't explain to me what is wrong.

I'm worried she's self-sabotaging as a coping mechanism for the stress of her first deployment. Especially because she doesn't seem to know what she's feeling either. She admits she's extremely stressed and feels guilty about how she's treating me. I just want to make her understand that if she misses me during the deployment or needs someone to talk to, she can call me and I'm there for her. I also want to try to restart the relationship once she gets back, if she wants to.

My main fear is that I don't know if a period of No Contact would help or just make things worse as she will probably not have time to think about the relationship. I'm also worried she'll find someone else during the mission if we decide to break up.

I don't have any problems waiting for three months and speaking with her as friends (not saying things like "I miss you", "I love you", etc.) and I was just looking for advice on how to not friend-zone myself in the meantime.

Has anyone had any experience with this and want to share how it went? Do you have time to meet people during these training and patrol missions, or are you at work 24/7?

My husband 24M and I 23F have been married since October and together for almost 5 years. We both struggle with a lot of mental health issues and he’s in the military so he isn’t able to get the help he deserves or needs. We moved in together just recently and have started being adults officially.

I am a nurse and work on a short staffed, mentally and physically draining floor which has been causing me a lot of stress. The idea of going to work makes me sick and in turn has me stressed every day I’m home. I also struggle with OCD and anxiety and that tends to rule my brain most days. I get a good amount of days off a week to get back to normal but most the time I am very anxious.

My husband flies helicopters in the military. He has to get a certain amount of hours flying to get to where he wants to be. While he’s home he works a job as a manager of a flagging company just for now until he gets a job at the fire department. The main reason he wants to work at the fire department is so he can have enough hours to be off to fly. He feels that what he is doing now is a waste of time. He is extremely unhappy with life, and I do feel he has a negative mindset when it comes to life. He tends to have moments of frustration where he will just talk about how unfilled he is with life. He does struggle with depression and has had a problem with it his whole life and sadly can’t get the help he deserves or he won’t be allowed to fly.

In turn I feel that all our stress about our future is tearing us down. We both are so in our own minds that we get frustrated. I don’t know what to do and I feel like at this point I get angry/irritated when he gets stressed. We have so much fun together and some days everything is fine, we laugh and joke. But other days we cry and don’t know how to help each other. I am just so exhausted.

I am a FTM to an almost 4 month old and have been struggling with PPD. I have talked to my dr and am in counseling but I don’t know if it is helping all that much. I am overwhelmed, sad and on edge a lot of the time. I don’t sleep very well and find myself at times losing patience with my baby when he cries endlessly and I go to a different room and scream into the air. My dog also didn’t take the transition to the baby well and is sad a lot of the time.

My husband is in the military and will be deploying soon. This scares the absolute crap out of me. I don’t know how I am going to cope without his help in the evenings. I don’t have family in the same country and me so will truly be alone with everything on my plate.

I feel I can’t properly express to my husband how I feel bc he is just as sad with not seeing his newborn son for months on end. So anytime I complain or voice that I’m stressed and sad, he gets upset about missing so much which I understand.

I don’t know what my question is I guess I just wanted tj vent. If anyone has been in a similar situation and can give me tips pls share!

TLDR: My Fiancé is planning Air Force enlistment through DEP. Both of us are in college and I’m living with him (he pays rent). We’re waiting to marry until i graduate (2027). Recruiter allegedly agreed to delayed ship (2027) but instead set early ship date. after MEPS swear-in he was told he must ship within months. Higher-up claimed leaving DEP means permanent Air Force ban, pushing us to compromise the ship date (Dec). We later learned that this may be false (that waivers are possible) and now we question what else they are lying about and what we should do.

So here’s the deal, my fiancé is planning on enlisting in the air force. We are both currently at university and living together. He dropped out this past semester and is planning on finishing once he’s in the military and is just waiting for me to finish my degree. I’m expected to graduate in may of next year, (2027.) We are waiting because currently live together in student housing and he pays the rent since he has a full time job and I’m focusing on school, I am not on the lease. If he were to suddenly go in before me graduating this arrangement would no longer work.

Our plan for the past 6 months was this: I graduate. We get married. He ships out in the military.

He heard about the delayed entry program (DEP) and how you could apparently wait a year to be shipped out and decided, “Why not get the ball rolling now and get it over with?” So he made the decision to talk to a recruiter about two months ago. I thought this was a bad idea because I knew the recruiter likely had a quota to follow and would try and get him to ship out as soon as possible. He reassured me and said his friend did the same thing and has been in the program for a year, so I just went with it.

We met with this recruiter and told him our plans (me graduating, marriage, etc.). My fiancé said several times that he wanted to ship out around June or July of 2027. He questioned why my fiancé was getting all of this started now now but essentially told him “Sure, we can get something figured out.”

Fast forward this recruiter schedules my fiancé to take the asvab and to go to meps to get a medical examination. He’s of course sworn in after this, and apparently this was a mistake.

After being sworn in the officers at meps asked about his ship out date because apparently the recruiter put down a date for june or july of this year. My fiancé was immediately confused by this in which he called the recruiter, who ended up telling him something along the lines of, “I wasn’t tracking when you said you wanted to go in. It’s best to go in now. We can talk more about it on Monday”. He wasn’t tracking even though my fiancé said the date he wished to ship multiple times???

So, Monday comes (today), and we go to the recruiters office. This recruiter is stubborn as hell and no matter how many times we reiterate that we wished for him to ship out later for a multitude of reasons (us saving for a wedding, us waiting for me to graduate, him just now getting a promotion with higher pay, and more) he wouldn’t budge and told us he would schedule a phone call for us to speak to his higher up.

While we wait for his call, my fiancé tells me if they refuse to let him ship out later, he’ll most likely leave the DEP and reenlist in a year and just do the meps process again. This higher up calls us and basically tells us since he had sworn in at meps, the (1 year rule) no longer applied since it’s not like he’s waiting on a job or anything like other people who do DEP and that he had to ship out within four months. We get really upset by this considering the recruiter conveniently left this out despite us telling him our plans.

Of course, my fiancé inclined on removing himself from the progr-‘ and rejoining later, and this guy tells us if he leaves DEP he’s never allowed to enlist in the air force again. This would suck because my fiancé isn’t interested in the other branches at all. The higher up says they can compromise and have him ship out in December, which still ruins everything we planned. Essentially, he’s forcing him to ship out then if he ever wants to be a member of the air force.

Then I talked to my uncle (who served in the army) and looked it up online, and I saw this wasn’t true and they lied, he would need a waiver and it would be harder, but he’s not banned from the air force.

Since they lied about that It makes me question is what else did they lie about? Is what they said about DEP true? That he HAD to ship out within the next few months and couldn’t wait a year? What is our best course of action? I understand as a future military spouse I will have to make sacrifices, but I wasn’t prepared to make these types of sacrifices until next year. I wanted to at least have one year with my civilian fiancé. Both of us are extremely angry about them lying and conveniently leaving out information.

hello reddit. my boyfriend just got to his air force national guard boot camp. i just wanted to know what the letter “system” would be like. anyone in a similar spot: how long did it take to get a letter? i’m writing a letter every day for him, but should i only send a few in one at a time?

Basically what the title says^

Silly stupid question ik. I just found out I am pregnant during his turning green. ♡

Hi my fiance is currently in basic training and we want to get married when would be the best time to get married so that I'm put on his orders to move in with him at his first station. He's in the army and is active duty if that matters. We can get married rn via proxy wedding but I heard he has to ask his command for permission is that true? Can they legally stop us from not getting married? Should we wait until his graduation to get married before he goes to AIT? We feel so stupid we should have gotten married before he left for basic but we didn't think it was going to be this difficult to get married. I just want to be able to live together again. We have lived together for the last 6 years and have been together for almost 10 years