r/USMilitarySO

Long story short, my bf (30m) and I (25f) have been together since November and he deployed in January. Before he left our relationship was amazing: I spent Thanksgiving with his family, he flew out with me to meet my friends for Christmas and New Years, we talked on the phone every day (we lived 4 hours apart). We talked about getting more serious and settling down (yes, I know things were moving fast but I truly had no bad gut feeling. He made me feel so safe).

Even after he deployed to a combat zone, we texted regularly and with our same kind of invested tone. He would send little gifts and make sure I got home safe if I went out with friends.

About 5 months into his deployment, our communication dwindled a little. We still texted pretty consistently but it was more dry, he stopped saying “I love you” and “I miss you” etc, but I know things were pretty bad over there.

He got home a few weeks ago but had to demobilize for two weeks in another state, I did go to see him and it was a little awkward but not terrible. We were still affectionate and whatnot.

He got home last week, and communication has started to improve and he’s been more engaged, blah blah.

OK SO BEAR WITH ME:

He has a decent following on social media from years ago and decided to kinda revamp it so shag he could start posting videos of hobbies he likes. I was kinda staking his account and found a comment from a woman from 3 years ago that said:
“imma snag this man”.
Another woman commented “uhhh he’s married” (he was at the time).
First woman responded “I’ll be next in line”.

He then responded to her comment at the beginning of June (two months ago) with a meme that said “the time has come” and “[her name] GUESS WHAT😂😂😂”
To which she responded: “I’ll submit my application👀”

He also follows her on Instagram. I brought this all up and said I feel really uncomfortable and confused, and he said it was just a joke and thought it was funny to respond because he was now divorced. He apologized and said he shouldn’t have done that, and now I’m just over here feeling like an anxious ball of distress and sadness. Am I crazy? Is this a minimal, stupid small thing I should just move past and trust him on?

As the title says, I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend of three years no later than this month because I’m scared of what the future holds. I was going to do reserves and everything was easy because we knew that after BMT and tech that I would come back home and we would build a life now I’m considering active duty and I know with active duty you’re more than likely to get sent overseas and his boundary was that he doesn’t want to leave the career that he’s building and I respect that and my reacting boundary to that was that I didn’t want to have a long-distance overseas relationship.

My solution was to just break up tonight so that I’m able to grieve and then he can go and find someone and get over it. His solution was to waited out until it’s for certain that I’d be going overseas and then if we feel like we can’t do it then it’s only right for us to break up. I just feel like if we do it his way it’s just a waiting game because there’s a high probability of being sent overseas and we won’t be growing and thriving as much because it’s gonna be an expiration date hanging over ahead.

This has been very hard for me. I have gone through such an emotional roller coaster in the last few hours I really don’t wanna break up with him. I’m just really scared of building and thinking that everything is fine just for someone in the future telling me that I’ll be sent over overseas and then having to ruin everything that we built.

Over the past two months, my husband has been doing pre-deployment training on a ship for two weeks at a time. He’s a Marine, but he works in administration. At first, everything seemed fine, but lately I’ve noticed that he’s been acting differently. He seems more distant, doesn’t talk to me as much, and when I ask him if something is wrong, he gets defensive. We’ve had a few arguments about it, and while we resolved them before he left for another two-week training period, I still have a feeling that something isn’t right.
My husband has told me about the coworkers he works with in his office. At first, I didn’t think much of it, but then I noticed that he kept bringing up one specific female coworker. Eventually, I asked him if he liked her because he mentioned her so often, and he said no.
What has been bothering me is that he tells me they go to the gym together on the ship and sometimes go to the chow hall together as well. He also mentioned that there was a karaoke night on the ship, and she was there too. Another thing that stood out to me was when he said some of the other Marines asked him if she was single or dating anyone. I asked why they would ask him that, and he said they probably asked because he works in the same office as her.
I know she’s single, and that makes me even more anxious. I can’t help but worry that they may have gotten close during all this time together. What makes it even harder is that they’ll both be deploying together for almost eight months, so they’ll continue working in the same office and spending a lot of time around each other.
He also told me that he’s inviting some of his coworkers to a family event, and she’ll be there too.
I know that ships sometimes turn off Wi-Fi, and he’s told me that when that happens, he can’t send or receive messages. I understand that’s part of being on the ship, but with everything else that’s been happening, my anxiety has been making me overthink the situation.
I’m not sure if I’m worrying over nothing or if these are valid concerns. I don’t want to accuse him of anything without a reason, but I also can’t ignore that his behavior has changed, and it has left me feeling uneasy.

By the time he gets back it’ll be almost a year he was gone and I want to look nice but I don’t wanna be overdressed any advice will be appreciated!

I just broke up with my partner while he’s overseas. Looking back, I probably should have waited until he got home, but after feeling consistently neglected and disrespected throughout the relationship, I finally reached my limit.
Breaking up over text was petty and probably the meanest thing I did. I know I could have handled that part better, but in the moment, I was just done.
I don’t really know what else to say. Just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi everyone!! My husband is in the Navy and we are long distance. He only has a year and some change left. Our whole family is here with me, so we didn’t want to uproot my life for only a year. BUT, I’m struggling with it. I live in Louisville, Kentucky, where there is no Navy presence at all. There’s not a single person I know who has ever been through this or is going through this. I just would love to be able to talk to anyone who could relate to me. It feels so lonely:( Not only do we have to deal with underways, but even when he gets back I still don’t see him. We usually go at least a month and a half without seeing each other. Usually 2 months. I know he is going to be deployed sometime in the next year and I’m so worried how I’ll handle it. If anyone is in my area or would like to connect, please let me know😭

I’m 20 and he’s 21. I feel a bit young to be getting married, but I also am not bothered by settling down early. I’m also glad we talked about getting married years before he enlisted and have known each other since high school. It just scares me to see so many stories of healthy marriages between couples fall apart due to the military. I know that character determines strength of the marriage, and I should go off only that but I just hear so many stories of failure even between supposedly happy couples. He claims if he didn’t get bah, we would wait until after he graduated from ait. He wants the bha as we have been long distance for years and he believes this is the easiest and quickest way for us to live together and build a financially stable life

I need some advice on a sensitive topic regarding my boyfriend. He was discharged early from the Air Force and told me it was due to having sickle cell disease traits, which he mentioned he inherited from his dad. However, I did some research and found that having sickle cell trait usually doesn’t lead to an automatic discharge.

I’m feeling a bit confused and concerned. I want to understand his experience better, but I’m also worried he might not be telling me the whole story. How can I approach this conversation without sounding accusatory? Has anyone else been in a similar situation or have any insights on this? I really appreciate any advice!

Hii. Me and my sailor are both new to this whole deployment thing. Myself and a couple of milso friends wanted to surprise our sailors by being there when they arrive back. I live out of state from his home base and so does another friend of mine. I’m prepared to be told very last minute but I was wondering how others experiences went? In others experience how much time did you have to prepare to see your significant other? Thank you in advance for any responses

How did you all find out your spouse was cheating on you? My husband has been acting weird this week and something seems off. He's at AIT rn and he's starting to text me less and less and doesn't say good night anymore and never asks me about me and how my day was or anything in my life. I've told him things like I'm not feeling too well and he won't ask any follow up questions and won't check in later and ask if I'm feeling better. Like yesterday he only sent me 3 texts and 2 of them were about the weather. He also turned off he location and when I asked him about it he made a stupid excuse about battery and icons. And then when I asked him if he's going to keep it off because of the battery he said no was just checking something but it's been almost a whole week and he still hasn't turned it on. He also stopped sending me meme and reels which I know sounds silly but its something he usually does on a daily basis. So now idk if I'm overthinking everything or something is up but I feel like he might be cheating. Is there any way I can find out? Like how did you all find out if your spouse cheated on you?

I am 20 years old, and at 18, I handed the steering wheel of my future over to the man I loved. I gave up my own active-duty military ambitions because I trusted his promises. We got married in May 2025, but the moment the license was signed, the relationship went completely downhill. Today, I live completely alone in an off-base apartment, breaking my back working just to avoid eviction. I am also studying (not in college but getting certified and I am preparing to work in law enforcement. I’ll ask him for $200 most a month if I really need it but besides that I’m solitary by myself. I have been in total financial survival mode, thinking we were just struggling together. It breaks my heart to realize that the person who promised to protect me was completely content to watch me drown while he spent his free time playing video games and focusing entirely on himself. I decided to stay on my own since I noticed he would set the plans he promised to make for us such as housing. I realized he’s not going to step up for me like he promised. I stopped making him the center of my world as he stopped making me the moment we got married after all the disrespect I’ve endured from him. So therefore I am stepping up for myself. I cannot rely on him, I can only rely on myself and the fruits of my labor. I don’t know. I’m still with him because I feel attached I did feel love but after finding this out, him watching me struggle, cry, shit even end up in the hospital by myself I don’t know what to feel. I am confused. I feel owned by him I feel it’s a business contract now but I don’t know how I’ll be without him since he’s apart of my routine. I don’t know if I love him, I don’t hate him I feel indifference, anger and disgust. Anyways , I am fully enrolled in DEERS and have an active TRICARE card, but today the fog finally cleared, and my heartbreak turned into pure disgust. My husband—an E-3 Marine Lance Corporal he just admitted to me via text that he never turned in his IPAC administrative paperwork to update his pay profile after I confronted him that I’m entitled to 1/2 of the bah pay. For 15months, he left his pay looking single to avoid sharing the benefits generated by my signature on our marriage certificate. Because I am active in DEERS, the military has been holding roughly 15 months of retroactive housing allowance (BAH with dependents) for my location—over $30k in total backpay. I need advice from anyone who has dealt with this on how to ensure his command forces the IPAC submission so my mandatory half of that retroactive lump sum and my ongoing monthly housing allotment bypass him entirely and go straight into my bank account.

Edit: I learned he’s most likely been pocketing the money to himself. Prior to leaving to schoolhouse in March of 2026 he requested my ssn birth certificate, Identification, and whatnot to get me in the system. He was later sent to schoolhouse and eventually got stationed where he’s at in May of 2026.

I am in complete and in utter disbelief.

This is a very niche question. I’m a military spouse and I’m in the process of becoming a licensed clinical social worker. I’m a bit afraid of the job opportunities with the frequent moves. Do any of you with that profession have any advice or can share what it’s like for you? I am not interested in working as a councilor for the military.
If you work in a similar field your advice is more than welcome as well!
Thank you in advance!

If your spouse joined and went to basic, OCS, then BOLC how long were you apart? I would love to stay together during BOLC after being apart for 11 months, but if we're just staying in a hotel that's not very feasible with 3 kids and 3 dogs. Financially it doesn't seem like a smart move to pay for a U-Haul, deposits, and all of that stuff for only a little over 5 months. Like two weeks short of it being a pcs. I'm a tired mom doing it all alone and my kids just want their dad. By the time BOLC is over we will have been apart for 14 months.

I know... we signed up for this life. Doesn't mean it doesn't suck though.

Hello everyone, I have 3 leftover Sandboxx letters that I won’t be needing anymore and I’d love to give them away. Let me know if you’re interested! First come first serve :)

hey I’m new here, me and my bf are both 21 & been together for 8 months now, we met b4 he joined. basic was hard (cause the letters ofc) but we did it. Saw him at graduation everything was perfect then I dropped him off at AIT 2 hours from me he’s been there for a month now.

What was the communication like?

He has his phone everyday (most of the day my messages don’t deliver) I know they don’t take his phone though. but we call maybe once a week and when we do he’s surrounded by other people so we barely get to actually talk. some days I only get a good night text or there was a weekend I got nothing at all. I don’t really know what he’s doing most of the time or who he’s with, try not to press him but it’s making me anxious af

I don’t know if I’m being naive and he has more free time than he lets on or if it’s just genuine stress.. He says that things are just a lot and he has no time/exhausted. He hasn’t rlly been active on social media either.

At the beginning of ait the communication wasn’t this bad. I feel like since he found out he’s going to be in Germany for 2 years he might be pulling back. It’s kinda making me feel crazy we barely talk but he insists to me that he wants to, and it’s hurting him too.

I’ve never experienced military relationships or even know anything about the military really so anything would help, I know everyone’s experience is different

I’ve been extremely understanding towards him and don’t know what to do at this point, I do really love this guy hes a great guy & has treated me better than anyone else but I’ve been super unhappy for like 2-3 weeks now. I do keep myself busy: friends, work, school hobies etc. but making me extremely anxious

Any experience or advice? plz be honest but kind, Im having a really rough time rn

www.basecompass.com

I have PCSed 3 times now, and every time I look at multiple site and ask many different people all about it, where to live, what neighborhoods are the best, things to do, ect.

I made a website that take all that information and put it into one place.

I worked pretty hard on it, and I am trying to make it better everyday. I even bought a domain. Like I've done a lot because I know how stressful PCSing is.

Eventually, I want to add all bases for all branches, but I really want feedback.

Please, let me post this and get it out. Its a free website, no ads, nothing. Just pure information for airmen and their families.

Hi! I’m 26F, recently married my husband after 7 years together, and we’re preparing for our first PCS next year.

My husband is Puerto Rican, I’m Asian, and we both grew up in NYC in pretty liberal/Democratic environments. Most of our friends are similar, so I know I’m probably coming from a bit of a bubble.

I am nervous about the social side of military life as ive noticed over the years that military spouse spaces can be much more conservative than what I’m used to.

I’m capable of being cordial with people who disagree with me on many different topics. But not if it’s something that goes against my morals ans values. I find it’s a matter of human rights for many of these topics and I think that is different than just differences in political belief.

Sometimes I see people I’ve met on base or mil spouse fb page post things that I find genuinely dehumanizing, and I struggle with the idea of having to regularly interact with someone whose values are so different from mine.

For liberal/left-leaning spouses: How did you find your people? Did you struggle with this when you first PCS’d? And how do you handle being cordial with people you strongly disagree with while still maintaining your boundaries?

I’m not looking for a political debate but mostly just some reassurance that it’s possible to find your people in the military community. :)

I’ve never had a partner who was into sex clubs or strip clubs. He told me he kinda made out with a stripper and was dominated by them. In front of the crew. Whipping touching kissing. He was down to his boxers…. Is this something I should expect a lot of and is this something we are all just okay with. I will bc he’s worth it but… idk I’m just sad.

My boyfriend of a few years recently left for the Navy. We’re both in our early 20s and he left after college graduation. I’m currently getting my masters, with one year left, and specific requirements about living in my home state for a few years because of the field I am in. He is signed up (sorry if that’s not the right wording) for 6 years and has no intentions of extending the duration.

It hasn’t been very long since he left but having virtually no contact with him besides sending letters has been difficult. I have been looking through this subreddit and social media looking to relate to others but many of the people I see are married, with kids, or living on base. I personally do not want to get married while my partner is serving and I have no desire to move to base (and like I mentioned legally can’t leave my state for a couple years bcs of education reasons). If we were to have children I would not want to go through pregnancy worrying about deployments and raising children on my own on top of my career.

It just sounds so difficult to have to wait so long for such important milestones. Has anyone here waited, or deciding to wait, until their contract ends before taking these steps? Did you feel like that was a good decision? I’m very new to this type of relationship and I’m having a hard time adjusting. Thinking about the future keeps me hopeful but it’s also nerve wracking. I’m looking for any advice anyone is willing to give!

I’m a mom in New Jersey with two daughters, ages 5 and 8. Their father and I are not together, and I currently have temporary full custody. I currently have a restraining order against him due to DV, and he has been in and out of rehab for drug use for the past 15 years or more.
I’m in a serious relationship (3 years) with my boyfriend, who is currently in the Air Force. We have been discussing marriage, and there is a possibility that once he receives his permanent duty station, we could need to move out of New Jersey depending on where he is stationed.
My concern is what would happen with my daughters if that happens.
Their father lives in NJ (although he is not from here, his family is in VA/MD, he followed me here after he got me pregnant) and would almost certainly object to me moving the children out of state. I’m worried that he could say they have to stay in NJ even if my boyfriend is stationed somewhere else.