u/Mangou_tangou

I’m having such a hard time finding something that’s NOT a full on glam Christmas party/ball dress or a floral wedding guest dress.

And if I am being fully honest, I don’t even know what the “right” kind of dress is for these events 😂

If anyone has examples, links, or outfit inspo I’d really appreciate it!

TIA!
For ref I am 26F

Hi! I’m 26F, recently married my husband after 7 years together, and we’re preparing for our first PCS next year.

My husband is Puerto Rican, I’m Asian, and we both grew up in NYC in pretty liberal/Democratic environments. Most of our friends are similar, so I know I’m probably coming from a bit of a bubble.

I am nervous about the social side of military life as ive noticed over the years that military spouse spaces can be much more conservative than what I’m used to.

I’m capable of being cordial with people who disagree with me on many different topics. But not if it’s something that goes against my morals ans values. I find it’s a matter of human rights for many of these topics and I think that is different than just differences in political belief.

Sometimes I see people I’ve met on base or mil spouse fb page post things that I find genuinely dehumanizing, and I struggle with the idea of having to regularly interact with someone whose values are so different from mine.

For liberal/left-leaning spouses: How did you find your people? Did you struggle with this when you first PCS’d? And how do you handle being cordial with people you strongly disagree with while still maintaining your boundaries?

I’m not looking for a political debate but mostly just some reassurance that it’s possible to find your people in the military community. :)

Hi! I’m 26F, recently married my husband after 7 years together, and we’re preparing for our first PCS together next year. Lately I’ve been feeling surprisingly anxious about whether I’ll actually fit into the military spouse community.

I’ve been around military culture for a while. My husband has been in throughout our relationship, and my dad was also a contractor for a few years when I was growing up, so the military lifestyle itself isn’t completely foreign to me. What I’m realizing is that I’m not sure how well I’ll fit in socially with other spouses.

My husband is Puerto Rican and I’m Asian. We both grew up in NYC, and I currently work in NYC while he’s stationed in NJ. We also both come from pretty Democratic/liberal backgrounds, and most of our personal circles are similar.
Since I’ve started spending more time in military spouse spaces, particularly online, I’ve noticed what feels like a much stronger MAGA/right-wing presence than I’m accustomed to.

Obviously, I know military families aren’t a monolith and I’m not expecting everyone I meet to share my political beliefs. But some things I’ve seen have genuinely made me wonder whether I’ll be able to find my people

For example, I recently saw a post in a military spouse group about military spouses reportedly being detained. The OP was understandably concerned, but a lot of the responses were along the lines of, “They had a criminal history,” or, “You should be fine, don’t worry.” What really surprised me was that some of the people making those comments apparently weren’t US citizens themselves.

That underlying attitude of “as long as it doesn’t happen to me idc” really bothered me. Regardless of someone’s immigration status or criminal history, I really struggle with the idea that our response to members of our broader community being detained, potentially held in inhumane conditions, and having limited access to healthcare, attorneys, or their families should simply be “Well they had a criminal history so it’s fine”

And even if these weren’t military families, I would still feel the same way.

I think that’s where my anxiety is coming from. It’s not that I need every person I meet to be politically aligned with me. For me, certain issues like immigration, civil rights, and how we treat vulnerable people, go beyond ordinary political differences. I don’t think I could form a close friendship with someone whose fundamental values on those things were completely incompatible with mine.

And I’m realizing that this can be complicated in a military community.

You meet someone at a squadron event, through another spouse, at the BX, a birthday party, etc. You start talking, exchange FB or IG, and naturally start getting to know each other. I don’t want to walk around assuming everyone is MAGA or trying to screen people based on their politics before getting to know them. At the same time, I don’t want to become close friends with someone and later realize that we have completely incompatible values on issues that matter deeply to me.

I also recognize that I’m probably coming from a bit of a bubble. My current social circles are largely Democrats/liberals, so entering a completely new environment where I don’t know the political or social dynamic is intimidating.

Maybe I’m overthinking this, but I’d really love to hear from other liberal/left leaning military spouses who have been through this.

I’m genuinely not looking to start a political debate. I’m really mostly looking for some reassurance. I think I’m scared that I’m going to PCS somewhere new, have to build an entirely new social circle, and realize that I don’t really fit in with the people around me.

Is it possible to find your people in the military community even if you’re not particularly conservative? I’d really love to hear your experiences. TIA!