u/twd_batcat

I am 20 years old, and at 18, I handed the steering wheel of my future over to the man I loved. I gave up my own active-duty military ambitions because I trusted his promises. We got married in May 2025, but the moment the license was signed, the relationship went completely downhill. Today, I live completely alone in an off-base apartment, breaking my back working just to avoid eviction. I am also studying (not in college but getting certified and I am preparing to work in law enforcement. I’ll ask him for $200 most a month if I really need it but besides that I’m solitary by myself. I have been in total financial survival mode, thinking we were just struggling together. It breaks my heart to realize that the person who promised to protect me was completely content to watch me drown while he spent his free time playing video games and focusing entirely on himself. I decided to stay on my own since I noticed he would set the plans he promised to make for us such as housing. I realized he’s not going to step up for me like he promised. I stopped making him the center of my world as he stopped making me the moment we got married after all the disrespect I’ve endured from him. So therefore I am stepping up for myself. I cannot rely on him, I can only rely on myself and the fruits of my labor. I don’t know. I’m still with him because I feel attached I did feel love but after finding this out, him watching me struggle, cry, shit even end up in the hospital by myself I don’t know what to feel. I am confused. I feel owned by him I feel it’s a business contract now but I don’t know how I’ll be without him since he’s apart of my routine. I don’t know if I love him, I don’t hate him I feel indifference, anger and disgust. Anyways , I am fully enrolled in DEERS and have an active TRICARE card, but today the fog finally cleared, and my heartbreak turned into pure disgust. My husband—an E-3 Marine Lance Corporal he just admitted to me via text that he never turned in his IPAC administrative paperwork to update his pay profile after I confronted him that I’m entitled to 1/2 of the bah pay. For 15months, he left his pay looking single to avoid sharing the benefits generated by my signature on our marriage certificate. Because I am active in DEERS, the military has been holding roughly 15 months of retroactive housing allowance (BAH with dependents) for my location—over $30k in total backpay. I need advice from anyone who has dealt with this on how to ensure his command forces the IPAC submission so my mandatory half of that retroactive lump sum and my ongoing monthly housing allotment bypass him entirely and go straight into my bank account.

Edit: I learned he’s most likely been pocketing the money to himself. Prior to leaving to schoolhouse in March of 2026 he requested my ssn birth certificate, Identification, and whatnot to get me in the system. He was later sent to schoolhouse and eventually got stationed where he’s at in May of 2026.

I am in complete and in utter disbelief.