Recommendations for lessening the impact on our DC kids?
Long-time reader, first-time poster. My husband and I (both men) have a four-year-old and a toddler, both via surrogacy (same egg donor, with each of us as one of their bio parents). The egg donor indicated “maybe” when asked if she wants to meet them in future; I don’t know how that works precisely but I believe they will be able to reach out when they are 18. We are transparent about how they came to our family and will always answer any questions they have.
Our family felt 'complete' to us when our younger son arrived, because that closed the genetic link between the four of us (I'm related to him, he to his brother, his brother to my husband). I can’t predict how they will feel in the future about being donor-conceived, of course, but I hope that our family structure and openness makes it less likely they face the trauma that people in the worst-case scenario (i.e., lied to their entire lives with no genetic link to the people who raised them) can experience.
I wish I had discovered this community before our kids arrived. I've read a lot and have a much better appreciation for the complex set of emotions donor conception entails than I did before. I don't think it would have changed our minds about surrogacy, but we would have made an open donation one of our donor criteria, and we would have been more thoughtful about the potential impact on our children.
But better late than never. We want to be the best parents we can, and to that end I’d love to hear from anyone here with advice or resources on how we can best support our donor-conceived kids, both at their current ages and as they grow up. Personal experiences welcome as well, especially from those with two dads!