r/askadcp

Did your parents raise you with traditions that tie into your sperm donor’s heritage?

For example, if the donor was Jewish and your parents weren’t, did you observe any of the holidays or traditions?

After plans unexpectedly fell apart with a family member donor, my spouse and I, a queer couple, had to make a quick decision about how to proceed with our journey to have a child for medical reasons. We did our best to choose a donor we felt reflected our heritages and values. I'm now the social parent of a DC child on the way. I'm filled with love and excitement to welcome this new being into the world, and thoughtful about how we will tell them their full story, to give them the pieces they may need to construct an identity that suits them.

My mother's family, the only non-European part of my spouse's and my shared lineage, in particular, has a rich, multi-generational history of survival and resilience. The stories contain powerful life lessons. Perhaps, as a queer person, these stories have been particularly important to me, ones that helped bolster my strength when I needed it most, that helped me feel a sense of belonging to a narrative bigger than myself.

I'm, of course, aware that the family stories that mean so much to me, may not be meaningful to our child. My bio siblings, are certainly less interested than I. Yet, I feel these stories have value, and plan to share them with the child.

As my spouse and I think about names, I'm deeply considering how an aspect of a name could play a role in giving the child a door to a sense of belonging in this part of their non-bio family, a sense that the family's strength, which is part of my story, is also part of their story, something there to draw on when there is need.

I'm curious how other DCP folks feel about their names, especially if any of those names, first, middle or last, has connections to social parents' history and/or heritage.

Thank you for creating this place for questions and sharing your experiences.