u/Extension-Doubt349

I’m currently pregnant with a baby conceived using donor eggs, after being diagnosed with premature ovarian failure.
I’d like to ask a question, and I hope I’m not being insensitive or offensive, or breaking any of the rules of this sub.
I often read that DCPs don’t like hearing that they were “so deeply wanted” by their parents, because it can make them feel pressured in a way. Because of that, I would never say this to my child in the future.
However, I see friends of mine who conceived through IVF using their own gametes constantly saying the same thing to their children and publicly on social media.
Does this kind of comment feel different to a DCP compared with someone conceived through IVF without a donor? Or could anyone conceived after a long or difficult fertility journey feel pressured by this kind of comment?

My brother recently had a baby through IVF. Despite the challenges, they only needed one ER and got pregnant on the third transfer.

I’ve been doing IVF for 3 years. I’ve gone through 9 IVF cycles with my own eggs and one with donor eggs. I have never been pregnant and still have not had success. He knows I’ve done several IVF cycles (although he doesn’t know exactly how many) and that I’m still in the process.

Well... ever since they found out about the pregnancy, he hasn’t stopped talking about how much money this baby has already cost him. He likes to joke that the baby “was born already owing him money.” Besides being insensitive toward my nephew, those comments hurt me deeply as well.

I have probably spent five times more than he has and still don’t have my baby... and honestly, I don’t even care about the money anymore. I would give everything I have to have this child.

I just needed to vent and remind those who have already had success: please don’t be insensitive toward people who are still going through infertility and IVF.

Edit for more information:
- My brother earns more than I do. In my country, insurance does not cover IVF costs, EVERYTHING is paid out of pocket.

- He underwent IVF using eggs frozen by my SIL, so I believe he did not have to pay for the egg retrieval. Only for the fertilization, embryo testing, and transfer.

- He knows I went through 5 egg retrievals, but he does not know that I went through four more and paid for donor eggs.

My issue is not really about him complaining about the expenses themselves. It’s that he is complaining about something he paid for and that worked for him, while I paid for it and it didn’t work for me. I honestly find that insensitive.