Question for you all…
I’m considering a donor embryo or egg donor, given my age. I have always wanted to be a mother, but unfortunately, my partner does not want children. I have done tons of research outside of just simply the process of having a child. I mean, I have read data on the psychological effects on both mother and children and so on. It’s not just having a baby. This is a person, a human being. It’s not trivial and I do not want to diminish the realities.
My question is.. do you feel more affected because you were never told the truth, meaning there was a lack of openness about it from your parents? Or do you feel any resentment towards your donors?
My father and my mother, both never knew who their biological fathers were. My father was actually lied to his entire life and made to believe that his bio dad was someone who clearly was not. We found out through DNA testing who his bio dad was and he had feelings of resentment towards his mother for withholding this info. She was wonderful and at that time, there may have been a great deal of shame associated with her telling the truth, nonetheless, she was wrong. We even tired to reassure her that we had no judgement towards her and just simply wanted to know for health reasons and curiosity, as my dad looked nothing like his dad and was artistic. She took it to the grave. So I understand firsthand the complexities of children needing to know who they are.
If I were to pursue donation, either egg or embryo, I would from the defining be open, so that it was organic and I would be fully supportive of them wanting answers. I get it, we need to know.
Does having parents who get this, make a difference? I would hate to bring a human into this world, only to cause them pain.
My view is, although it may not be accurate, is that these eggs and embryos are there and will inevitably get adopted and therefore, they will be born, so at least if they were born to me, I would be understanding and supportive. Idk, it’s all a lot but at the same time, I feel and know from experience, that when you’re honest, despite there being some bumps in the road, the outcome ultimately is better.
I plan on journaling my process if I decide to go this route, explaining everything and in the hopes of passing it along to my child one day. I want them to know everything from the start. Every single detail. All their bio parents health, my feelings, all of it, and that it wasn’t just some haphazard rushed decision, but rather something very thought out and well intentioned.
Can anyone chime in and let me know their thoughts and experiences. TIA