Need Help with Setting Expectations/Boundaries with Known Donor
I'm in a lesbian relationship and we recently asked a friend of our if he would be willing to be a known/directed donor for our family. We had a conversation with him and his partner and they were asking about our expectations. What I said was 'I believe the idea that this is strictly genetic and doesn't mean anything beyond that is a fantasy for the adults involved. Who this is going to be the most meaningful to will be the children, and everyone is different and might have different feelings about it and we just don't know what their needs will be yet'. My baseline expectation of a known donor is that they care about the kids, are willing to be available to talk when needed, and have good boundaries with children.
Otherwise I don't exactly know what to tell them as far as expectations. I don't want to put an expectation on them that neither of us might want or be available for in the future (like spending any holidays together or being involved in ways they wouldn't already be as friends) but I also know the potential kids might have feelings about him or his extended family that I want to prepare everyone for the possibility of (like the possibility that my kids would want to spend time with his siblings' kids, how to be graceful about the fact that him and his partner do not wants to have the same family obligations they might have with their nieces and nephews, what boundaries could lead to profound rejection for a child versus what boundaries are healthy).
I wanted to go this route as opposed to an anonymous donor because it seems like the transparency and care is better for the kids. My kids will always know who their donor is and that he and his partner are people who care about them. What advice would y'all give my family as donor concieved folks about what boundaries feel constructive versus restricting, inconsistent, or unachievable.