u/simiamansse

It's difficult to picture the whole story because it has been so weird and mystical, but I'll try my best.
(And I'm not a native English speaker, so please be gentle.)

I'm a 30-year-old French guy living in Paris, with a stable life, a strong sense of identity, in a relationship for the past seven years, and surrounded by a loving family.

My twin brother was eating with my mother at a restaurant in December, and after some discussions about childhood memories and stuff, she told him that our father isn't our biological father (we don't have any contact with him anymore). He called me the next day and explained that the guy is still alive, that he has his phone number, and that he's actually known about his paternity from the very beginning! It was so weird because I'm French, my mother was born in Paris and has French and Polish origins, our father is a French guy from the east of France, and our biological father was actually born in Argentina!

I'll start pointing out some very strange things from now on because I'm still trying to process what is truly linked to this biological connection and what isn't.

I was excited because I live between Paris and Japan, and so does he. He has a degree in Japanese anthropology (which is what I wanted to study, but I had to stop because of my mental health at the time). So months passed, and we finally met in a little café in Paris. It was strange, but I was relaxed, with a very neutral emotional state. I'm a very cautious person, so I wanted to set up a paternity test before going any further, but I quickly realized that this guy is an asshole. He's very selfish, he only talks about himself, and every discussion somehow comes back to his work (he's an artist) or his achievements. It was very strange anyway. He has almost the exact same body type as me (naturally athletic, kind of skinny but also kind of muscular at the same time, not tall but not short), the same curiosity about other people, the same extroverted mindset, the exact same political label and some things that I truly believed were connected to my soul and who I am.

Anyway, I didn't develop any feelings. I didn't want to build anything family- or emotion-related, so I was fine, just waiting for answers. Then, just a few weeks before doing the paternity test, I met his daughter and EVERYTHING changed in my mind and my heart.

We met on the terrace of a Parisian brasserie, ordered a bottle of wine, and spent the whole night talking. Something completely changed for both of us from that moment on. We use the same words to describe the world around us, we love the same things: photography, fashion, partying, meeting new people, our boyfriends look alike, we have the same sensitivity, etc. We talked nonstop for five hours, and every conversation felt strange because everything seemed connected for both of us. She was wearing a very unusual ring on one of her fingers, the EXACT SAME one I had been wearing for the previous two months, on the exact same finger... And I lost that ring at the exact place where she sent me her first message on Instagram. She was born one day before me (like 3 years before)..

Just to be clear, both of us only wanted a clear answer about our biological connection, nothing more. We both have beautiful lives surrounded by loving people, and we didn't even have any space in our hearts or lives for new siblings. But after that meeting, we both used the same words to describe what we had experienced: we felt something we had never experienced before in our lives. As if our souls were connected or something, I don't know... She says it felt like "having a crush on someone," and I think it felt more like "meeting a part of myself" or something like that. I was then SURE that she was my sister, and it became very, very difficult for me to continue my life while carrying so many strange emotions, feelings, and unanswered questions about what my future would look like.

And the craziest thing is that SO MANY strange coincidences happened during the whole month before I got the DNA test results. The only new people I met or talked to were from Argentina, or they happened to do the same job as my biological father or my sister. On my first day at a new job, one of my coworkers turned out to be French, Argentinian, and Polish. I got the results the day after Father's Day, on the same day Argentina was playing a World Cup match, and there were so many other little coincidences like that.

Then, a week ago, I got the results and, as expected, this guy is my biological father, and she's my sister. My reaction to the results was insane: I cried, I had to control waves of panic, I was happy, then sad, and after about 30 minutes I came back to a stable emotional state.

What happened? Is the weight of reality THAT heavy?! Was this path toward the truth THAT difficult?

Now I'm full of questions. In my country, it's a HUGE taboo, NPE doesn't exist, I don't know any NPE stories. I'm usually good at understanding what I feel, but this time... I'm just confused! Is identity really that connected to our ancestors? Are we really defined by it that much? Are family secrets THAT painful?! I can feel that my whole world is truly fragile now. I don't even know what to do with all of this anymore.

Anyway, I have SO MANY questions for you guys
-What do you think about my story?
-Did you experience many coincidences and strange similarities with your biological father/relatives as well?-
- I know that what I'm experiencing with my sister isn't typical, but has anyone experienced something similar?
- What did you do with this new aspect of your identity? Like, guys... I'm half Argentinian...?!
- Do you recommend me to do something now ?

I'd really appreciate talking with people like me, if only to make some sense of this strange fog surrounding me haha.