r/NPE

I’ve told you guys a synopsis of my NPE story, and I appreciate the support. I have decided to cease any and all contact with my mother and her other children. Anyone in the family can get it at this point.
My mother has done nothing to help me work through the trauma that she caused. Now, my oldest daughter is being affected by her narcissistic behaviors.

Most of my family looks up to my mom. I have no idea why. But nevertheless, they do. So when she and I went through the daddy reveal when I was almost 45, she wanted me to keep the secret. I was an emotional wreck after her 4-minute call. Alone at home with an 18-month-old. I thank God for bringing my youngest through one of my roughest times. I’m a veteran with diagnosed severe PTSD and spinal issues.
So I shut down to the outside world so I could be there mentally for my college student and my toddler. This is when she started calling family and friends saying, “She won’t talk to me. I don’t know what’s going on with her.” And family (not knowing why) told her to forget about me, don’t let your children stress you out. They never knew why I wasn’t talking to her, and they didn’t want to hear it from me. When I told a few family members, they would always remind me that people hid stuff.
Now my oldest daughter is catching strays from the family. They don’t communicate with her because they don’t communicate with me. Graveside at my nephew’s funeral, my mother’s youngest sister speaks to everyone but my daughters… and me. I addressed it with my mother, but I knew what that was. So I’m out. I refuse to subject my family to this level of manipulation and dysfunction. When all I’ve wanted was a conversation and for her to be honest to all parties involved.
She’s already started calling friends and family making them think I’m having a psychotic breakdown. She wants sympathy. Next she will have someone call me from a hospital. Like she’s dying from a panic attack. After that, she’ll try using money to lure me closer. Nothing will work. The difference is this time I’m telling everything to anyone that calls me. Everything to everyone hits her where it hurts; truth hurts a lie. Sorry for rambling. Thank you for reading.

Part of my process of working through my NPE experience has been reading people's experience.

I know there are quite a few books. Can ya'll share some novels or films with an NPE story?

I recently finished A Cursed Daughter. It was a great book but not enough time spent on NPE storyline.

*tl;dr: anyone else grow up in as a bastard in a family that tortured you for fun?*

I can't really talk about this with anyone, i have a therapist 5yrs+ now, but if I tell any normal person about any of this they would never trust me again because at the end of the day this is the way I was raised.

I'd be afraid of someone like me, too.

2003, it was before the big databases, we did a test that just showed that my older sister was not my full sister

indicating that mom was cheating on her (loser, deadbeat) high school sweetheart football player husband, got divorced while pregnant with me, used me to try to get him back for my whole childhood.

I still have a scar on my right hand from when she threw me across the room over this. i was 18, severely underweight - like 95lbs - after being diagnosed with advanced bowel disease, and mom is an athlete-build who did cheerleading and professional yoga and all that stuff.

after the first DNA test, older sister went into overdrive trying to ruin my life anyway she could, screwing my highschool friends that were much younger than her, showing up at my workplaces causing trouble, stealing things from family and convincing them it was me - even when I was no where near any of them.

14yrs later 23andme started matching me with cousins from my younger not-half-sister's family. her (and my) father was dating mom again, no one had heard from the older sister's father for over a decade. she'd still tell anyone she met that I was her ex-husband's son.

10yrs after that - 22yrs after the first DNA test - my father gave me an ancestryDNA kit and we did a formal adult adoption to fix the error. he's 86 now, living at my mom's house, she hates him but loves his money.

I really wish I could see my father again, he's actually a good person who wanted to adopt me when i was too young to remember, but I won't ever go back to that house of insanity and evil.

they've turned my younger sister and my only aunt against me now, so I have pretty much no family left. just extended relatives that don't know any of this, and I can't talk about any of it with them because it will just make me look like a bad guy.

(36f) Took a DNA test (ancestry) and thought it odd that I didn't match with anyone on my dad's side. I have had suspicions of my dad not being my bio dad ever since my mom got high with me and a friend at age 20...she jokingly said he might not be my father. Has NEVER brought it up otherwise. Some folks have commented how I don't look a lot like my dad or my siblings much, but I didn't think anything of it since I just look like a clone of my mother.

Fast forward to my sister taking a test and I saw we matched as half siblings. Told my other sister and she overnighted a test, more so to have another data point to bring up to my mom. Another half sibling match and both of my sisters matched with people on my dad's side. Closest match I have on my bio dad's side is a 1st cousin with a last name I've never come across before. I am the oldest of 4 kids, all born between 1990-95...

So, my mom is coming back into town this weekend and I plan on getting her back to my apartment (telling my bf to buzz off) and I am going to try my best to simply tell her that I am not mad (even though I am...but also not...ugh) and I just simply want the truth. I've informed my siblings of everything and they've been quite supportive, telling me nothing will change and just checking in on me.

I just want this conversation over with but my siblings and my in-laws pretty much all think she is going to clam up on me (as she has when I've soft confronted her before). In the likely event she does clam up on me, I've got 3 approaches: 1. Remind her that we've both been through a lot in life and everything is going to be okay etc. 2. I am not going to blow up this secret if my father and others don't know 3. My final "threat": I will utilize all my ancestry and librarian friends as well as social media to try to get answers if she gives me none.

Any advice/support would be appreciated. Thanks and wishing you all the best on this rough, odd, hard-to-describe journey.

TL;DR: Confronting my mom about 36 year life about my father. She's likely to stay in denial. Would appreciate support and suggestions.

Innocent family tree DNA test, nek minute here I am another shocked surprised NPE member. Like most on here I had no idea that there was a name for it and there was so many of us. I don’t know why I guess, I didn’t even think about it before. God I’ve watched the shows find my family on tv and cried with them, maybe my subconscious knew. Anyway I went straight into overdrive and didn’t even look to see if communities like this were around. I went into denial and got another test this time Ancestry which came up with much closer matches like half sister, uncle, niece and cousins all from the one family it turned out after research, so it was undeniable.
I went to my mum 87yo to early thinking I was going to get all the facts before I’d done the research myself. Wrong move. As I say I didn’t have all this knowledge on here until now. Anyway She had a melt down, then after that she denied at first then gave me a name (the wrong name) it turned out, then denied again, then blamed me for bringing it all up and ruining her life. This was over a few days back in the week I got my results. Her reaction made me worried that maybe it was something sinister or awful but then I did get one more thing out of her before she clammed up, that it was a one night thing while she was engaged just sex. This also turned out to be BS it was more than once so I don’t know if she even knows the truth herself.
This was all 6 months ago and we haven’t spoken of it since. I see her most days and it’s like it has never happened we talk about stuff but nothing involving this.
I have been lucky to find out all my information without her help and I’m in contact with two of my 4 half sisters. My bio father has passed in his mid 70s I’ve been able to do all this thru ancestry and social media. My half sisters have been wonderful as we keep finding similar traits. Life was difficult for them so I feel blessed my life went as it did and mum married my father ( rip) that brought me up. My mum has no idea of any of this or that the name she gave me wasn’t the right one anyway. (It was His brother) I keep on thinking I will try with her again one day but most people that know this secret say not to bother but meanwhile our once close relationship is suffering as I have started to resent her selfish attitude; not the act itself or the lying that’s just life and youth; just not being able to put it all aside and talk about it all now that’s what hurts.
I keep on thinking is she going to bring it up when we are together but no I think it’s all gone back in that deep dark place in her brain where it sat for 68 years. Oh well that’s her loss she would have a lot more goss to talk about if she knew, she would have loved all this if it was happening to someone else I bet. I just thought I would pass on my story to show you how not to do it although, Is there a good way to go through this ?
I just hope you find one x

When I was pregnant with my son, his dad accused me of cheating and demanded a paternity test. I was furious and vented alot to my mom. I said many times to her face things like "What kind of garbage woman would trick a man into raising a man into raising another man's baby?! That's the worst thing you can do to 3 whole other people including the man that wouldn't know he even had a kid". Our relationship didn't last long since he believed I was the type of person to do that.

Well, 11 years later, turns out, it was my mom, she did that. I did an ancestry dna kit and I thought I was OK with it at first. Then I found out my bio father has been dead since 2013 and I can't even find a picture of him. Luckily, the dad that raised me is amazing and reassured me that nothing has changed, but a part of me is just heartbroken.

There was a man that deserved to know. My dad deserved to know when I was born so he could have had a choice to raise me or not. I have been so angry at my mother for taking that from them and I don't know how to cope. I also have a genetic eye disease that is causing me to go blind that doesnt run on my mother's side. I dont know if I would have had a child if I'd have known. I got pregnant before my diagnosis, so I didn't know it was a risk.

I found 2 half brothers but can't find any way to contact them to get any more health info. I really just want to rage and yell at my mother but there has to be a better way to deal with all this.