u/sinner_in_the_house

My temp Palma rig while I wait for my fiance to take the leap on the 3D printer he’s been wanting. Gonna grab myself a nice 40% and clamshell it with my Palma.
Between the keyboard and the second hand Palma, I could have just spent another $100 and bought the used freewrite someone is trying to sell in my town. But damn it im happy. And I love this Palma way more than I expected.

My friends think I’m insane. “Just use ur phone” no I don’t want it to have apps “just turn off the WiFi” YOU DONT GET IT THE PHONE IS UNCLEAN.

Last week I got a really harsh feedback/coaching meeting from my boss and our HR girl. I was honestly shocked by how my conversations with my boss were being interpreted as ‘corrective’ of her and that I was commenting too much on other people’s projects and I could tell she was very upset and hurt. They also told me that I was isolating myself in our back room to work and commented on how my work is always late and I seem like I don’t care about the company or like my work but there is a future for me here if I wanted it because they care about me even if I don’t care about them. I was reprimanded by being changed from a salaried employee to hourly.

I thought I had a decently close relationship with my boss as she and I have shared values and beliefs and I have opened up to her a bit about my life over the last few years. I honestly thought she saw me as a future her.

The week before however, I saw a new psych who told me out of the blue while I was asking for new meds that I am certainly on the spectrum. I didn’t really believe her or think about it until after this meeting with HR. Changed my entire life. Reframed everything about my childhood and every problem I’ve had ever. She referred me for evaluation if I wanted it. But said it would be a six month wait for scheduling and then I would have to pay out of pocket with my current insurance. I’m also scheduling with a new therapist who has experience with autism.

I want to write a short card to apologize to her, but I don’t think I can really do that without telling her that I’m probably autistic and that her speaking up prompted me to go to therapy and realize that my struggles with work are something i have an entire new set of resources to work on.

But I don’t know if that’s appropriate or not. I don’t have a formal diagnosis yet so I can’t really ask HR for accommodation and unless I can do that I only care about apologizing to my boss and fixing the emotional connection we had. I want to show her that I didn’t mean to hurt her and that this really changed my life whether I get a new job or not.