WIBTAH for not inviting my mother to my elopement reception?
I’ve gone back and forth on whether I wanted to post this but it’s really been eating at me.
I (21F) and my fiancé (21M) are planning on getting eloped later this year, and then having a ”reception” like party to celebrate with friends and family afterwards. We both purposely decided that we didn’t want to have a big wedding because it just didn’t fit our vibe. We’d much rather have our closest friends and family with us as we embark on this new chapter, especially since there’s been some varying opinions of us getting married due to our ages. The planning has gone pretty smoothly, and we’re very excited, the problem is MY family.
For context, my parents were together for close to 30 years before going through a very sudden and messy divorce. Although we could sense that something was up in the last few years, it definitely hit our family like a truck. Very shortly after, my mom began trying to meet people through online dating websites and whatnot. Regardless of me and my siblings concerns that it was way too soon, she met her current bf…who unfortunately we all hate.
Their relationship has been nothing but toxic and very “on/off” throughout the 5 months that they’ve been together. Gaslighting, manipulation, controlling behavior, you name it..it happened. It has been so bad that as of last month, my mother shared that things had escalated physically. Naturally, my siblings and I were furious. My sister, who lives in another state with her longterm boyfriend, agreed to house my mother and help her get back on her feet. I helped her pack her bags, let her cry and share what she wanted to, and drove her to the airport to ensure she was safe.
Well here’s where shit hit the fan. After a week of staying with my sister, who was organizing a million different ways to help her while also dealing with her own life mind you, my mother ultimately decided that she was going to go back to her bf. My sister and I begged her not to, told her how much worse it would get, and laid the boundary down that my sister and I would not tolerate her or her bf‘s behavior anymore. Me and my siblings have been dragged through the mud throughout the entire divorce process trying to take care of both parents, we’ve about had it. My mom sent a big long message to the three of us saying that she “understands our concerns” but that she is a “grown adult who cannot control who she loves”.
Since then, none of us have spoken with her. We have a family group chat where she continues to send text messages saying that she “misses us” and “loves us”, to which she has received no replies. The debate that I’m struggling with is whether or not I send an invite to her. I briefly mentioned it to my dad who said “she’s your mother” but I simply refuse to hold space for her or her bf’s behavior during me and my fiancé’s day. And I can guarantee that if her bf isn’t invited, there will be an uproar from her. So Reddit, WIBTAH for not inviting my mom to my elopement reception?