My MIL wants “to get to know me” at Thanksgiving…after nine years
My husband and I have been married for almost seven years and together for nine years. I have met my MIL in person exactly one time as she lives in SC and we live in Oregon. She has never been a warm and cuddly character and aside from pleasantries sent in holiday cards we don’t have a relationship.
My husband informed me that his mother would like to fly us out to SC for Thanksgiving because she wants to get to know me. This would entail taking time off from work (I’m a healthcare worker, an inpatient phlebotomist), packing a suitcase, getting to the airport, flying across the country, and staying with my MIL and her boyfriend (who was recently diagnosed with esophageal cancer) with no car and no public transport. We’d have to get a hotel room, rent a car, pay for gas, etc so it’s not like she is offering an all-expenses paid trip.
My husband said he is not going if I don’t go and his brother is not going if he doesn’t go and BIL’s wife is not going if BIL is not going. So now the entire guest list rests on my shoulders.
But the thing that is really chafing my ass is that my MIL has not so much as made a phone call to me, ever. She has never sent me a card, texted, emailed, sent a letter by carrier pigeon. Why is she suddenly interested in getting to know me? And why do I have to do all the heavy lifting to grant her wish? She isn’t flying across the country during the holidays, I am. She wants this to happen on her terms, on her turf, and I don’t think Thanksgiving is the venue for this kind of emotional discovery. It’s a high pressure holiday as is. Her boyfriend being sick will make things even more tense/weird.
Don’t get me wrong: I know this is 100% about her. I have tried reaching out over the years to try to establish a relationship with her but she was not interested.
I told my husband that I’m not going but I want him to go. He understands why I don’t want to go and supports my decision.
An important thing to add is that last Thanksgiving she invited her sons to SC for Thanksgiving but not their wives. None of us went.
I’m sure my MIL will take my absence as a personal insult but I feel like if she really wanted to get to know me, she’d pick up the phone. I am a bit leery of her sudden interest in getting to know me. It’s been almost a decade. I’ve always encouraged my husband to have a good relationship with his mother. This is just so out of left field, it feels weird, and I’m a bit taken aback.