My (45m) husband and I (39F) cannot communicate in fights and I don't know if it's worth ending a marriage with a young child over.
My husband and I cannot communicate in fights and I don't know if it's worth ending a marriage with a young child over. Whenever I bring up a problem such as "I'm hurt that you didn't do this, or that you did that without me" he gets incredibly defensive and just starts going tit-for-tat saying 'well you do this to me too, etc'. We both work, he works remotely and I go in a few times a week to the office. He would say that I'm overly critical and that I always find fault in what he does. I admit I am a perfectionist and I always want chores to be done well, such as plates to be completely clean, no food debris left on them, and no food crumbs on the floor or counter tops, if someone spills something, to clean it all up, not just do a cursory wipe of the hand.
Our dynamic is that before we had kids, I would do a majority of the household chores and he would help out by doing some too, but I'd say I did about 75% grocery shopping, planning meals, cooking, cleaning up the large items, and he'd do the dishes. About every 6 months, I find myself doing more and more to the point where I'm at the point of overwhelm with work and life stuff that I'd break down and beg him to help more. He would help after a big fight, but then after a few months, it would go back to the way things were.
Now that we have a 1 year old, this pattern ends up being once a month. I am at the end of my rope of exhaustion. I've begged to get therapy but it ends up with me unloading my grievances and him not saying a word and feeling embarrassed and attacked in therapy. We've tried to read relationship books in the past before we had a baby and when I bring up that he hasn't applied any of the learnings, he says I haven't either. I know that I can't go another year like this. I have my own therapist for figuring out why I'm hyperindependent and working through my issues. I need things to change. Is it possible for things to change? Has anyone worked through issues like this and stayed married? I just need advice, anecdotes, anything.