MIL/Baby Shower/First Child
I am 25w pregnant with our first baby (together 12 years and married almost 9). My MIL was never my cup of tea but literally the day after we got engaged, she became completely insufferable. She told me I “didn’t need to get married in a church,” that I “didn’t need to have hard liquor” at the wedding (I disagreed, she snapped “I’m not paying for it then!” I informed her that I didn’t ask her to pay for anything,) acted like any decision we made was a direct insult to her, would bring it up in front of my niece so that I’d be more likely to comply, talked shit about me to my mom the day before our wedding, just not good. Needless to say, our potential for relationship is gone. I am not rude but I am not warm or particularly engaging when we see them.
My husband is a freaking angel. He had a hard time standing up to her throughout the wedding process because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings, he’s the baby, etc. but eventually did and she got so angry. Their relationship has recovered.
So now we’re pregnant. When we told her, this woman who has something to say about everything, couldn’t have possibly said less. I don’t think she was happy.
I have a generally good relationship with my SIL. She effectively raised my husband and they’re very close. Her husband and I are very close too and the four of us (and their girls) spend a lot of time together, vacation together, etc.
SO, we’re pregnant. We’re thrilled. It wasn’t an easy road. My SIL texted me a few weeks ago asking if she could share the shower date with her mom. I said that was fine and I believed invites (from my sister) were going out soon. She then said her mom is wondering if her sisters will be invited. I respond that I have met them each once and that the shower is overwhelming to me and I kept the list to people I genuinely know and feel comfortable with. She responds that she gets it, but thinks her mom will be hurt, and that my husband needs to talk to her about it, but also kind of lays a guilt trip. Twice. I think the expectation given the history of our relationship is unreasonable, and also because my husband has literally no relationship with these people. I call him and explain and he’s so so supportive of my stance. He also tells me that his mom had texted him and asked if we were having a shower, he said yes and that my sister was planning it, and that was it. When we compared the timelines, she very clearly texted SIL immediately following. Why not ask husband if he knows if his aunts were on the list? Why didn’t my SIL text him if she “didn’t want to get in the middle”? It all feels like a manipulation tactic—MIL thought I’d give in to SIL because we have a good relationship, SIL thought I’d cave to her because idfk why.
Husband texted his mother and prodded her into asking about the invites, told her no they wouldn’t be invited as neither of us have a relationship with them, and said it was all set. Things have been weird with my SIL since. My BIL (her husband) texted me happy Mother’s Day by 7:30 am, nothing from her all day. People are annoying. I guess that’s the vent.