Newbie but I feel really connected to this spread
To make a very long story short, it has taken drastic things happening in my life for me to recognize that my parents messed me up emotionally as a child in multiple ways. I realized that it is the reason that I am more avoidant in romantic situations. So after a big cry I asked "what do I do with such a big revelation? How do I exist moving forward" and I got this:
10 of Cups reversed - Felt like the emotional release I just had from crying but also the gravity of the betrayal I feel that my parents didn't pay enough attention to me or that I was such a good actor at hiding my true feelings they never had a chance to see it in the first place. Big overwhelming feelings.
Queen of Wands upright - Although I mask HARD, I have spent time building my self esteem and have done the shadow work that has led me to this moment. I should not be mad that I have taken so long to arrive but instead recognize what it took to get me here and that the journey made me who I am. I have learned to love the real me behind the mask now it is time to remove it and execute.
2 of Wands reversed - I feel extremely angry and upside down spinning out of control, just like this card looks. I feel like this card is encouraging me to transmute my rage and feelings of betrayal into the energy that will help me navigate my new viewpoint on life. The realization is the shortest part of the journey, don't get stuck.
I studied why I got these cards in this order and they really spoke to my moods overall. I usually tip back and forth between despair and rage and I've always disliked how long it takes me to find a "happy middle" with each self revelation. I think the main message I am getting from this spread is that I have permission to be messy. I'm human. Balance is the goal but attempting to minimize time spent "finding the right temperature" is not doing me any justice. I need to lean into the swing instead of fighting it and the balance will come naturally in its right timing.
Id love to hear anyone else's opinions on this spread if you have any. This is probably my 10th or 11th spread (all done on myself) Thanks for reading!