To the yapper (Please DM me if you make a new acc)
Hey Shreya! Happy Birthday!
I suppose I live through the words I write and post, but idek why my hands tremble every time I write to someone I care about. School and exams have me in a chokehold, yk.
Ik this is perhaps the only way to reach you now, since your reddit acc got banned. But the guilt of not being able to wish you would exceed all else. It is almost tragic, or quite ironic, how your acc was banned days after we spoke about what we would do if either of us ever got banned. You told me to post here in this sub, hence, that is what I am doing. You also said that if you could not find me, you would cherish me as a fond memory. Back then, I remember telling you that I would rather live as a cherished memory than become a profound elegy, never imagining even in my wildest dreams how those words would become relevant this soon ( i still laugh at it :P ). I hope your re-NEET went well and that you get into your desired college sooner than ever.
It is with a great deal of effort and fervent hope that I write this, half asleep and tryna survive my unit tests. I even have Physics on my bday ( T_T ) and it feels like a trivial effort that will soon end up going astray, as though every presence was meant to amplify my pre-existing dejection. For an introverted fellow like me who would prefer to be hurt than talk, ig, I learnt a lot in a matter of days from you. I lowkey know that I am hoping against hope that you might discover it somehow, someday, somewhere.
I still miss your yapping, girl. It always started in the evening and went way past my bedtime, those little moments of oversharing, yearning for a deep & platonic friendship. Despite our few days of interaction, quantitative measures were never the reason we began. I will perpetually carry the embers of this bond. I happened to learn a lot in this ephemeral interaction we shared, more than I am currently able to extrapolate here.
So hey, punjabi !! If the stardust ever accumulates to give shape to these scattered pieces of friendship ( which I vehemently hope it will ) and if there is even an iota of resilience in the platonic bond we created through laughter and epiphanies, I would like to believe we will find our way back to each other.. In every walk I embark on in life, we happen to meet new people (ye bhi tmne kaha tha), some stay through interaction, while others remain as beautiful memories. But dw, you will remain the fondest memory of all. And if life ever allows, maybe we could meet again (again, quixotic), even if only as strangers next time (?)
I wish you the best on every path you tread (a lil bit bold, ik, considering I am a year behind you class-wise 🤪) I learned how to yap in convos from you, though if anything, I am still an amateur compared to you. I think writing pieces addressed to the people you care about is far more relevant than what I usually do, that is, writing letters addressed to the void. The void acts as an inevitable shadow, a lingering of what might not follow afterward, and the absence haunts me every time.
Imma cherish our bond, even though it was truncated midway, and the lessons that instilled confidence in the pessimistic, melancholy redolent air I breathe every now and then. Things were really hard on this side, yk?? I am trying my best to process everything.
Sorry if I have been a bad responder. Andd.. I won't be a self-proclaimed snob who claims to remember every single quintessential detail of yours. Thanks for existing as phrases, sentences, as... you. Ik it was hard for you to purge many friendships while others dwindled for their own reasons, cuz life was never fair, even to the ones who carry nothing but candor within their veins.
Before signing off... lemme just say...jaha bhi ho, jaise bhi ho, khush rehna!
Your uncomplaining listener, and as you liked to call me, hoarder,
S.R.