I can't tell if I hate my spouse or if it's the misophonia
I feel like the worst person in the fucking world after typing that title. My partner has been nothing but incredibly supportive. We're best friends. Or were?
I flinch every time he talks. It's just his voice. I feel like I want to throw myself against the wall. It's the way he is, and he can't help it.
He is on online calls for his work, so I have to hear his voice a lot. I have Bose headphones, we put up a sound blocking curtain, and I already leave the apartment pretty often. I still feel like I'm on the verge of tears and like I'm not safe in my own home. We barely get by, so he can't afford to go do his computer work in another space.
I can't look at him. I feel so much rage and resentment. Sometimes I will want to be intimate with him, but as soon as we start, I have to end it because I'm on the verge of lashing out at him.
God, what a fucking life this is. I am depressed as hell because of it.