u/spifiii

everyone says that you need to be self critical to improve at overwatch. i get that, and i want to improve. but i blame myself for everything. i don’t always know what i’m doing wrong but i blame myself for not winning the team fight because i couldn’t carry my team. i feel this very strong need to prove myself and my skills because after being in bronze/silver when i first started really got to me after a while and just about everyone on the internet is so harsh about people in those ranks. and in the higher ranks they get that way about gold/plat too.

last night and the night before i was playing in a trio and we lost most of the games we played in both sessions. i know i wasn’t the only constant in those games but i don’t want to blame my teammates. the last time all three of us played before these losing streaks, we were on a massive win streak together. it cant be due to harder games from ranking up, since we played quick play the entire time.

i go on massive win streaks and loss streaks in qp. in comp i’ve mostly only went on big win streaks. but losing so much in qp at once i’m worried is going to cause irreparable damage to my mmr. i think it already has because sometimes i get people who have around the same skills as me or sometimes i get brand new players on my whole team except for myself, and the enemy team is all around my skill. as much as id like to be able to, i’m not some grandmaster player that can stomp through lower leveled lobbies and always carry my team to victory. even if i’m better than them logistically the skill gap isn’t big enough for me to singlehandedly carry a game unless i’m on tank it feels like. but tank is my least favorite role.

i know that the matchmaking in qp isn’t as good as comp but i rarely play comp due to my super harsh self critic, telling myself that i’m the reason we lost and i need to do things differently without a clear understanding of what i need to do differently. watching my replays back hardly ever works because when i’ve just played a game its so fresh in my mind that i cant view it from new eyes.

i want to get better so bad but i’m being so self critical that i lose enjoyment in playing. you’re supposed to be self critical but i don’t think you’re supposed to do it to the point where its harming your mental health.

tl;dr i’m so self critical playing overwatch that i lose enjoyment from playing