u/spiralmentalnotebook

I feel like I have this problem where I judge people extremely harshly because I think they are judging or going me judge me. So I talk badly about them and verbalize everything I’ve ever felt like they’ve done wrong without thinking more deeply. I confide in people about these things and then it bites me later. I have always had this issue and I wonder if it’s because of some mental health issue. I have been recently diagnosed with OCD and GAD. I find social settings with more than one person extremely stressful after and during hangouts. Apart of me is afraid I’ll never get better and always have this personality flaw and it will always end friendships and burn me and other people. I’ve had while friends groups distance themselves from me directly and indirectly. I’m really not sure what’s wrong with me.

I make myself emotionally distant when I feel judged or disliked which people tend to interpreted as rejection. With the combination of me ranting about them, they also feel blindsided by me because I have a hard time communicating about issues head on with the person because once I get my feelings out and they make me feel invalidated I just give up entirely. I also pull away because I feel like once I talk negatively about someone there’s no going back and I shouldn’t even be their friend anymore which I do think is valid.

Then after confronted – which is normally done pretty indirectly or at least not in person I just avoid it entirely. I feel like it is a very toxic trait of mine, and I go from resenting and validating why I said the things that I said. But then I also do an analysis of myself as a whole where I’m very hard on myself and feel as if I should just isolate myself altogether to protect others from me and my toxic habits.

I’m not sure of how to go about improving this about me. My usual therapist usually tries to focus on the present events in my life rather than really big deep into the root of my thought process and actions when it comes to friendships which has always been a stressor for me. I also don’t know if I should ask to be screamed for another type of mental health disorder. In previous visits with psych psychiatrist and my normal therapist, we mainly focused on how I react to my environment rather than how I navigate relationships with others.

I scheduled an appointment with a new therapist and I’m hoping I can get more of a new perspective and how I should go about this. I also feel that my current therapist is very gentle with me when I think that I have a lot of personality flaws that need to be worked through. I appreciate her kind of approach however I feel like it doesn’t really push me to improve in the areas. I’m hoping to. I don’t plan to stop seeing my current therapist however I was wondering what people who have switch therapist think. And what people think in general. I’m very new to understanding my mental health so any advice is really appreciated.

Sorry for any misspellings or typos btw

19f looking to make friends on discord