28F My mom has completely spiralled over my boyfriend and I don’t know what to do
I’m 28F and have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. He’s from UP I’m from Assam, and we’re serious and want to get married.
My mom recently found out and it’s been… insane. She’s been crying/screaming for hours, saying I’ve brought shame to the family, calling me disgusting, saying she’d rather I never marry than marry him. She keeps talking about “honour” and how this could ruin everything.
Now she’s also convinced that if I leave him, he’ll retaliate and hurt me. She keeps saying we should all go back home to my dad and “face whatever happens.”
The thing is, he has literally never been angry with me in 4 years. No threats, aggression, violence, controlling behaviour, nothing. So I don’t know what she’s basing this fear on.
And I think I’m realising something bigger through all of this. I’ve basically never been able to have a difficult conversation with my mom my entire life. If something upsets her, she gets extremely emotional and I end up going quiet, trying to calm her down, and waiting for it to pass.
Yesterday she cried for hours. This morning she woke me up crying hysterically and at one point became so breathless she wasn’t responding to me for a few seconds. She recovered, but it scared the shit out of me.
I love my mom. I know she genuinely thinks she’s protecting me. But I’m also so fucking angry and exhausted. It feels like I’m being asked to give up my relationship because she cannot emotionally handle my decision.
I genuinely don’t know how to deal with this without either breaking myself or giving in.
**TL;DR:** My mom found out about my 4-year relationship with a guy she strongly disapproves of and has completely spiralled. She thinks he’ll hurt me if I leave him despite him never showing any threatening behaviour. I’ve realised I’ve never been able to have difficult conversations with her because she becomes so emotionally overwhelmed. I love her, but I’m exhausted and don’t know how to handle this.