Goodbye to my angel
It's been 24 hours.
My beautiful fluffy cat died yesterday of a horrible washer accident. She was only 5, and she had never ever before gone into the washer, but she did and I found her body afterwards.
I am wrecked with guilt. I had planned to turn 50, maybe even 60 with her. I had just talked to my spouse about the new kidney disease vaccine and how excited I was to get those to my cats once it's out.
We planned a vacation with our cat in September. We planned to build her a cat tree house this summer.
She was a chatty kitty, and since she was a baby she had been very small in size, in voice. She had a kitten like demeanor, and she was always a social, kind, innocent cat who would take naps next to strangers and sleep while purring on top of my guests lap.
I work from home and got her during COVID so we had been together every single day (I hardly took vacations) for 24/7.
My day ended with her bringing me to bed by telling loudly, and her purring on my stomach asking for scritches. It also began with her howling into my ears.
Although I understand this is a horrible accident, I am wrecked with guilt. I am a pet parent who did everything for their cats. Vaccines, collars, microchip, toothbrush, Omega 3, home made cat meals, multiple cat furniture's and beds, dozens of different treats.
We had a routine.
Last night, I could not sleep because my chest hurt so much. I kept waiting for her to climb on top of my howling and to snuggle with me.
I am completely devastated. When I found her I tried cpr and mouth to mouth but it was too late.
I know with time, I will remember the good times but the first day is so hard.
She was a perfect, unique, once in a lifetime cat that changed my life and taught me so much.
I am going back to work tomorrow and I don't even know how I can do my work without bursting out in tears every other minute.
I scream cried into my pillow all morning. I was howling in tears. Why is this happening?
I wish I was a believer in heaven or God because then I could believe I could meet her again.
Now my routine day is just excruciating.
I'm sorry for such a long rambling post.