Am I in the wrong here?
I (F27) have been in a triad the last 3 months. I recently got into an argument with one of the members of the triad. For context, I am dating a couple. I first started talking to the other lets call her Flower(F27), a couple of months before I matched with the guy, Leaf(M28) half of the couple. I figured since I had started dating the two of them separately, I wasnt dating a couple. There was no "couple rules" that I typically see on this sub, which is why maybe I am more confused. This is my first Poly relationship and I am still learning.
I started getting closer and started sleeping with Leaf after I got tested. Safe sex for me looks like both partners getting tested and using protection. I get the full panel STI test and get on birth control and I trusted Leaf to get tested and I had the sinking feeling that he did not. Turns out yes, he did not. I trusted him to go of his own volition as I had. Well shortly after that, turns out his partner found out that she had high-risk HPV.
Since I was only having sex with Leaf, I did not discuss how I practice safe sex other than telling Flower I had gotten tested and a pap in the clear. Well Flower started calling me a liar and saying that I should have told her that I wasnt using dental dams with Leaf. I was really confused since both Leaf and Flower never told me how they were practicing safe sex on their end, and I never asked (my mistake?) out of respect for their relationship. I also did not know it was high-risk until after Leaf and I were having sex, and Leaf never objected or stated we should use dental dams, so we had unprotected oral but not unprotected PIV. I am just really confused by the reaction of Flower. I understand why the upset is there but I feel like I did everything I was supposed to on my end?
Flower was also upset at me because I forgot that Leaf had casually mentioned HPV to me before and since I had the all-clear, and thought that Leaf had gotten tested, I know the risk factor is lower with oral and HPV but not impossible. I know that Leaf mentioned that Flower had HPV in the past, so is this my mistake? Is it bigger than a mistake? Currently Flower is extremely upset at me and calling me a liar since I forgot Leaf mentioned it to me.