New relationship in limbo over idea of kids.
I’m almost 38 and 6 months into dating a great guy who told me last week he decided he doesn’t want to have kids. I very much do. I knew he was unsure since we started dating. He said “with the right person” it’s a possibility, but the idea terrifies him.
He decided to make a decision at 6 months bc I “deserved an answer,” knowing my choice and that I was willing to do it on my own in the next couple years. My sentiment has changed since I first told him that. I think I would be scared and terribly lonely to do it without a partner (I updated him on this). He has put a ton of thought into it.
Neither of us want to break up. Neither of us sees our choice changing in the foreseeable future. We not so secretly hope the other will change their mind, but also know that is an incredibly dangerous/irresponsible place to put our hope. I don’t think he is a 110% “no” forever.
He has never desired kids, but also has never really considered having them until now. He didn’t have a great childhood, was an only child, raised himself. I grew up with sisters, loving parents, but experienced their terrible divorce. He and I both love being an uncle/aunt to our nibblings. We both have issues with anxiety. We acknowledge and respect each other’s points of view.
I nearly had a panic attack at the idea of breaking up. It has taken me this long to find someone who I can see a future with. The dating pool is small for my mid-size city, with many people are already married with kids.
I just want to finally enjoy being in a relationship… see if we can fall in love and grow together. I have experienced immense familial grief over the last four years and just want to catch a break. I’m terrified to grieve again - both the idea of losing him and the idea of losing a future family.
I don’t know how to carry this… go in deeper to see what becomes of our relationship or cut it off in hopes of finding another needle in an even bigger haystack. Bio clock is ticking. Fear of not being able to experience having and loving a child of my own is dizzying and somehow shameful. Breaking up feels helpless and premature. Not breaking up feels naive and foolish. Being a human never seems to stop being hard. I don’t know what to do.