Getting frustrated and feel disconnected
I’m in the early stages of my catechism and lately I find myself wanting to withdraw from the social elements of church life (the agape meal, the whatsapp group, etc) but I don’t really know why. I’m also in the choir and I’m growing more annoyed with it because it’s highly disorganised and there are no group rehearsals - just turn up on the day and hope for the best. I only manage because I watch the choir leader like a hawk and try to follow along as best as I can, but it all falls apart if she isn’t there. Even others who have been in the choir for several years can’t lead in her absence.
I feel very separate from everyone else. I dread trying to chat to people during the agape meal because my mind goes blank, and I feel too inexperienced and vulnerable to talk about faith with others.
I want to be part of the community but at the same time I want to shut it out. It’s like there’s never any silence to just be with Christ because there’s various church newsletters and notices landing in my inbox throughout the week, whatsapp messages flying around all over the place (which I’ve now muted for the time being), trying to practise singing for the next liturgy with zero guidance, and so on. And then there’s regular life to deal with as well - redundancies at work, major structural changes to my team, money worries, trying to fit in time with friends and family, struggling with suspected perimenopause symptoms (including sleeplessness and anxiety), coping with grief, managing the house.
Not looking for advice (though I’m grateful for all input), just wondering if there’s anyone in a similar position who’s experienced the same sort of thing.