u/ssaen

I went into pregnancy thinking I’d try to breastfeed but wouldn’t beat myself up if it didn’t work. Then my baby kept losing weight. We met with LCs, started supplementing, triple‑feeding, doing everything they told us. I was barely sleeping and felt like my whole life became latch, pump, bottle, repeat.

Four months in, she’s mostly nursing, and I’m proud of that. But it’s still incredibly hard. The first feeds of the day go well, then my supply drops and she gets frustrated. Her doctor wants her latched every two hours because she’s gaining on the low end of normal. By late afternoon, she’s dissatisfied and crying at the breast, and we’re back to bottles and pumping. We’ve added formula again. Finding time to pump is so hard. My baby just wants to be held and I can’t do that easily when attached to the pump.

For me, breastfeeding is maybe 20% this beautiful bonding experience and 80% struggle and anxiety.

And even though I fully support formula and she’s doing great with it, the idea of quitting breastfeeding makes me sob. I don’t know if it’s hormones, the fear of regret, or just how much I’ve poured into this. I cry about breastfeeding almost every day, but I keep putting off the decision to stop.

Seeing it come easily to others hurts. Hearing people shame formula or say things like “just latch more” makes me so angry. I’m worn down. I’m trying so hard. And it’s just really hard.

But why can’t I allow myself to just let it go?

My daughter is just over four months old. I have the Tula Free to Grow carrier and sometimes put her in there to get things done around the house. But every time I do, she falls asleep within 10-15 minutes and sleeps HARD in there. If she's fighting sleep, it's honestly a helpful tool, because I can get her to sleep in the carrier, then slip it off and she'll stay asleep on my chest for a while.

I'm worried that using it to get stuff done around the house is making her sleep too much. She took a good nap in the crib today and then we were only up for 30 minutes or so when I stuck her in the carrier and she fell right back asleep.

She sleeps pretty good at night. Averages ten hours with one wakeup for a bottle. Sometimes two.

We don't have a schedule for daytime naps. I let her sleep when she's tired. We just cycle wake > feed > play > sleep for the most part. Those cycles are sometimes longer or shorter than others.

Probably a dumb question. But I want to make sure she's not sleeping too much for her age/development. I feel like she'd nap all day long if I carried her all day long.