Losing hope fast.
I feel so deeply frustrated about the lack of studies on bipolar II. My doctor is adding lithium to my meds, and something she keeps saying is "it's the gold standard", "it's the first line treatment". For bipolar I, yes, it is. It's shown to be highly effective at managing acute mania in BD1. There is, however, a dearth of evidence that it is at all effective for BD2. People's personal experiences with the med vary, of course, and many say good things. But that's not the point to me. The point to me is that I am being given a cocktail of pharmaceuticals, none of which are scientifically proven to help me at all.
The perception of bipolar II as a less severe subtype of another disorder ticks me off so bad. (Note: I am in no way minimizing the immense challenge of living with BD1. I am simply expressing my anguish at the illness I battle with on a daily basis not being awarded an appropriate degree of scientific interest within the medical research field.) There is no guarantee that what works for BD1 will work for BD2.
I'm so utterly tired of depression. I want help so desperately but I can't seem to find anything at all that is tailored to the depressive phase in BD2. I'm currently on lamotrigine, lithium, and gabapentin as needed. I'm also taking an omega 3 supplement, for what it's worth. I just want to have energy and focus. I hate falling asleep in the middle of the day. I hate not being able to think. And that's my NORMAL. That's not just a bad day; I feel like this NEARLY ALL THE TIME. I tell my doctor, but then she just gives me yet another med that has drowsiness as a side effect.
All that literature that says having bipolar damages our brains, that it gets worse over time... how on earth am I supposed to have hope at all. I'm 26 and tired, and desperate, and losing hope fast.