Confused about age gap
I’m struggling to understand whether something was abuse. My step brother is less than 5 months older than me, but he was always much more “sexually mature/aware”. When I was 7 he showed me porn- I did not know what I was watching and felt ashamed and disgusted - then we both got in trouble for it and it was made into a joke. The narrative was that if I tried to say it was him, I was a grass and it wasn’t fair.
He always commented on my body growing up, asking if I had boobs yet, if I masturbated, if I had sex yet- and I was so embarrassed by these questions. When I told his mum, I was told he was just being funny and I didn’t get his sense of humour. They mocked me.
We had to share a room sometimes and he would touch my breasts and I sort of liked the feeling- but never reciprocated and I felt so bad and ashamed but also exhausted by his repeated advances.
When I was 13, him and his friend raped me when I was extremely drunk. It was my first sexual contact and he left me alone ever since. I see this as a sort of admission he felt bad. We never really spoke again.
I have such confusing feelings about it all. It obviously did culminate in abuse/rape. But the age gap is 5 months.