I Saw a Flower Bloom in an Abandoned Building and Thought of You
One morning I was standing on my house's varanda when I zoned out with no thoughts, just staring at a rainy day. There was an empty two-storey building across from my house that has been abandoned. The building was covered in debris, bushes, plants, and a variety of insects, including snakes. Many people have lived in their homes for years and at some point, the choice to leave those places becomes clear. But then I looked at a flower that had shades of pale pink to dark pink and it had a beautiful contrasting center that was thriving in full sun and partial shade and the soil it was in drained well and the flower was getting moderate amounts of water. It is commonly known as 'Sadabahar'. This flower was living fine, all alone, in an abandoned building. No one has tended to this flower, and yet it is doing well on its own. The question was why was it doing so well? Then I thought back to a person I used to know long ago. When I thought about that person, I could not help but picture that flower.
He was a man I grew up with and have known since our youth; he was tall with a very strong built, muscular body with hands full of veins and looked strong even from a distance. Until that day, I did not realize how beautiful he had grown to be like that flower.
I was unaware of the circumstances surrounding your growth and what nutrients were provided by the soil, if it was a favorable environment for you to continue to exist in. All I could see was how well you presented yourself to me, how attractive, humorous, lovable you were. It's clear now that I was very surface-oriented with respect to my view on you from the beginning. I may not have been a good enough friend to you as much as I had thought I was, had, and could have been, if I had been able to understand your suffering a little more. I wish I could have been able to see that you were suffering; I feel that I would have been able to help you if I had. This guilt that I was not good enough for you will consume me.
I am dying, my dear. My memory continues to deteriorate and becomes more and more burdensome each day. I fear that one day I will forget you entirely, so I try to remind myself of you daily, in any way I can. I never intended to pry into your life, but I did, more so to be closer to you. However, you pushed me away by saying hurtful things to me. You attempted to escape my grasp on numerous occasions, yet I still hold you tight.
I am very fond of you. I am sincere when I say that to you. I have always thought of you as a mentally strong person who gets things done regardless of the toll it takes on you. You would get me chocolates when you did not have money. You love me unconditionally, but I love you even more(ehee). I could never love anyone as much as I love you because the day you left was the last time my heart and brain were connected emotionally. I was always very forthright with you about my feelings, but I just never wanted to share my feelings with anyone else. For me, it would have been acceptable to keep my feelings to myself. I do not know why I all of a sudden started to forget about my feelings for you, but now I am starting to write down everything that goes through my head. In fact, I do not think I am as strong as you believe I am. Perhaps I have been paying the price for holding everything in my head.
I look to the moon, stars, and sky. It has been an inspiration for me that reminds me of the times spent with you in a good way. I looked back and thought about how much I wish we had more experiences like this. I miss being with you and feel comfortable knowing we were meant to be together in this life. Your happiness and health are what I wish for you in all your future endeavors.
I have only found joy in my heart for you, even if it was a short time.
>P.S I hope you read this someday soon.