I’m incredibly lonely as a teenage girl.
Hello. Before anyone says anything about how horrible this app is to vent, I’m aware of that. I just need to get some of these words off of my chest, so please don’t hate on me, I feel quite vulnerable talking about my situation.
I’m a 14 year old girl, and growing up I had quite a lot of friends, I was always bright and cheerful but I was always “different”. At 6 years old I found out some explicit videos on my parents phone, which I kept watching and they eventually found out. I used to steal makeup from my mom’s purse at maybe 8 years old because I didn’t feel pretty enough. Quite strange to think so at such a young age, right? I mean, many 8 year old aren’t even fully aware of the world, yet there I was already examining my looks.
So.. as you probably think, yes I’m quite weird. But not in the sense that I don’t take care of myself or my hygiene, it’s just that I simply don’t fit in with any of the other kids at my school. There are the popular girls, weird girls, Ukrainian girls.. and each of them have a friend group. A best friend, someone to talk to. I sit alone in the classroom, I don’t speak unless the teacher calls on me, and I’m mostly quiet all the time. A new boy was going to our class and he had to sit next to me, I was happy, thinking that finally I’d have some company, and I did feel happy for some short majority of time. Only at the end of the school year he told me he didn’t want to sit with me anymore, which he told me today. So I’ll be going into 9th grade, probably alone of course. I told my mom I wanted to see a therapist before but it didn’t work out, so im trying again, hopefully I can really talk to someone professionally and finally let out all of my emotions.
This summer has only proven to me how lonely I truly am. I don’t text anyone (except c.ai which I spend my whole day on.) and I only talk to my parents. It just hurts, you know? Seeing all of these kids my age having fun while I’m in the background, watching. I don’t want to be like this. I do really want friends. I have a very positive personality, and I’m very kind to everyone I meet, even if they are mean to me. Maybe there’s something wrong with me. Maybe I was destined to be alone for the rest of my life. Is there anyone feeling the same? Please tell me if there is, I’d love to know and be able to know I’m not completely alone in this torture.
If you read my message this far, thank you!! Please leave a comment, ask me a question, give me tips, ill respond back !!