u/strawberryjelly5

Hi reddit. Need to vent.

I (21M) am a university student and live with my parents. My parents and I live in the United States. This year, I got the news from my mom that my dad is planning leave us and go back to our home country to "retire." He plans to leave after I graduate. My mom said "retire" and my dad said "go back home," which is why I put them in quotation marks, but I think the reality is that they are separating. I came to that conclusion just now on my own. My parents are not the type to discuss the full extent and emotional impact of this with each other, and they are not the type to discuss the full extent and emotional impact of this with me. I don't even know if they realize that this is separation, but I know better not to have that discussion for them. I kind of wish my parents would handle this like adults and just be more transparent with each other and with me about separating, instead of me connecting the dots on my own, but whatever. Exhausting family dynamics is the norm in our family unfortunately, and it's one reason why they aren't formally discussing about separating. After over a decade of my mom nonstop yelling with my dad because of his narcissism and irresponsibility, she is too exhausted to deal with my dad leaving. My mom told me that she "no longer wants to bother him." She is liberated by it and has shared with me what she wants for her future on her own. The other reason why my parents aren't formally discussing about separating is because the church they follow places a taboo on couples separating and divorcing. The word "retire" acts as a cover to do it discreetly. Divorcing, on the other hand, would be too obvious, which is why they will likely not do it.

As for me and how I feel about my parents separating... I feel stressed. If they separate, I'm worried about my mom since she does not drive and relies on both my dad and I to get around, but mostly by my dad. I offered to help get started on driving, but she's still thinking about and is scared to drive. I'm worried about whether or not we can live financially without my dad. Although my mom is the primary breadwinner of the house and is paying the bills and groceries, my dad is the one paying for our car insurance, gas, car repairs, and my tuition for university. I'm worried that I currently do not have a final education and career plan to tell my dad, so he can know when I have "finished school" and can then leave. I'm still figuring it out, although I fortunately have narrowed it down to either a career in Public Health or medicine as a PA. There's a lot I am worried about on how this new family rearrangement will look like. On the other hand, I am super relieved that my parents are planning to separate. My parents separating has been something I dreamed of when I was younger. I’m lowkey stoked in a messed up way haha.