I hate how hard it is for me to relate to most of my trans friends
Hey yall, agender here, mostly present myself as male since my country isn't good for non-cishets.
Something Ive been noticing more and more about myself recently is how awkward I feel whenever someone starts talking about their gender, especially if they are pretty directly trans (by that I mean their gender identity is opposite of what they were assigned at birth), just to clarify, I have absolutely nothing against trans people, its a mental struggle of my own. Im pretty sure its because genuine desire to conform to a specific gender, while completely normal, feels so fucking alien to me. To me having to conform feels like a prison, I get a bitter taste in my throat whenever I have to refer to myself as a guy, I want to cry every time I see a beautiful dress that Id look lovely in, but I can't wear it since it's not what guys wear, it feels like shackles, like a constraint, I fucking hate it with my whole heart. I would never conform if it wasn't for societal expectations and it feels so odd seeing someone not cis wanting to be a specific gender and suffering when they are unable to do so for one reason or another. In my head this desire is built specifically by what you're expected to be like because of your gender identity.
Anyways I once again want to say that I am by no means hateful towards any gender identity I think Im just a little fucked up and it makes me feel really weird when gender identities come up in a discussion and I wanted to share it somewhere since I really dont know where I can talk about it. I'm wondering if anyone can relate and it would be nice to hear some advice about what I should do with these feelings