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“Copy that, proceed,” the commander replied as Alpha and I unzipped our pants to test the newly unclogged sewer.
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Turns out it was the laundromat attendant, and he’d been secretly hoarding my G-strings.
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She was already at my place with towels, snacks, and a list of notes on how I could have done it faster.
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Mom settled it by putting us "in the house in the house."
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It read: "To my loving family, I leave absolutely nothing, except for the outstanding tabs at the following 14 bars."
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I replied, "No wonder I get a sudden surge of pure joy the second you dismiss class," and he literally spent the rest of the hour staring at me in absolute silence.
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"Easy," I replied, "it’s the same way my completely dysfunctional parents raised a genius like me."
“Same price,” the owner said, “but ninety percent of the fish is off.”