▲ 10 r/TwoSentenceComedy
I finally found out the proper way to pick up girls, and I've been successful ever since.
I've progressively worked my way up to two hundred pounds so far.
u/TheRaincrow — 3 days ago
r/TwoSentenceComedy
▲ 34 r/TwoSentenceComedy
After getting my new silent attack guard dog, Shadow of Death, I changed my alarm sound to the opening lines of Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise."
The next burglar will hear: "As I walk through the valley of..." before hearing the crunch of teeth on femur.
u/Porphyry_Blue — 4 days ago
▲ 13 r/TwoSentenceComedy
Engaging in hate speech is wrong and terrible and should never be tolerated.
But you have to admit, engaging in a hate stutter would be kind of cute.
u/Mean-Sign8513 — 4 days ago
I wish my name was Franny I would want to customize all of my friends ringtones.
I would make a parody of Randy Newman's song "you've got a friend in me", but the lyric I would change to "you've got a Fran in me"
u/Round_Reading_945 — 5 days ago
▲ 29 r/TwoSentenceComedy
She was so beautiful, she might as well be AI
Because I lost my job and my mental health over her
u/adiplotti — 6 days ago
▲ 89 r/TwoSentenceComedy
A mother slapped me in the face while she was nursing her newborn baby.
All I did was challenge her baby to an eating competition.
u/VerseConundrum — 13 days ago
▲ 60 r/TwoSentenceComedy
My wife caught me cheating today and just left me without a chance to explain.
She really takes Monopoly seriously.
u/Empty_Novel-87 — 13 days ago