u/EmpireStrikes1st

To escape the trap, the grave robber had to poke her fingers in two holes to spring the mechanism that would stop the walls from closing in on her.

Although her arms were just long enough to reach them both at once, there was a third spring between them she'd never be able to reach.

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u/EmpireStrikes1st — 7 days ago

A ghostly apparition appeared in the church and wailed, "Nooooo! Doooooon't!" before fading into the ether.

>!The priest looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone else object to this marriage?"!<

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u/EmpireStrikes1st — 13 days ago
▲ 29 r/firstworldproblems+1 crossposts

An internet outage is blocking my ability to vacuum

There is a home internet outage in my area since Saturday (5 days & counting). I only post this due to an ethernet cable.

My room is getting filthy, but it has been a long time since my robot vacuum was used, so I have to resync it to the home Wi-Fi. Except, I can't, because of the outage. So now I'm stuck with an empty room.

"Why don't you vacuum with a regular vac or something?" Well, my room is very narrow, and my shelving unit is close to the door (I enter my room like an L shape), so I cannot physically fit the regular vac in. The hose can only go so far, but I cannot get under the bed, or the other side of the room, etc. That's why I use a robo vac for my bedroom.

Until the Wi-Fi outage is solved, I'm unable to clean.

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u/EmpireStrikes1st — 3 days ago

TKO, parent company of WWE, achieved record profits by pricing regular wrestling fans out of premium live events, then cut back on non-premium events (house shows). Then they fired several wrestlers on their roster, and demanded those who stayed take a pay cut. And THEN the board of directors at TKO gave themselves a $93 million bonus. A BONUS. 

The greed and exploitation are so blatant. And they get away with it for the simple reason that they can. There’s no incentive for them to share their success with the men and women who travel hundreds of miles so they can bust their asses in the ring every week. Or to lower the prices to make it more accessible to fans who aren’t whales.

There’s only one solution: We have to force them to. We need a 100% windfall profit tax on executive bonuses for 365 days after any company lays off a significant portion of its workforce and a 100% windfall tax if they accept one dollar of taxpayer money to bail them out of bankruptcy.

This may sound crazy, but so was an 8-hour workday, a 40-hour workweek, and minimum wage. We need to fight these bastards. The only language they understand is money, and we need to take it from them.

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u/EmpireStrikes1st — 15 days ago