r/onionheadlines

"I don't plan to leave the White House for decades," said the overpowering stench. 

The malodorous stink is expected to leave debate opponents speechless, and gasping for air.

Most aromas would not be substantial enough to run for office. But the lingering Trump odor is thick enough to cut with a knife. It has its own Secret Service detail. And that's silly, 'cause there ain't nothin' that can kill it. It knocked Tyson Fury out cold. John Wick ran away from it after it had killed his dog. Superman sped away too, toward a pile of kryptonite. On the plus side, Galactus skipped Earth.

People are saying the smell is destined for sainthood, because it stinks to high heaven.

Remember the East Wing of the White House? The smell peeled the paint off the walls. Then it took down the walls too. That huge ballroom was really just designed to contain it, like that shell they built over Chernobyl.

Sources say the pungent odor, after election, is expected to rename the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts to … well, you know.

The cost will be in the trillions because most of America has some form of TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome).