r/3amjokes

Because with great power, comes great response ability.

You only need a parachute to go skydiving twice

They go back to hotel room, where he immediately heads for the bathroom.

After waiting for a few minutes she goes to check on him, and finds him furiously jerking off.

"What the hell are you doing?" she asks. "Don't you want to have sex?"

And the guy says, "For $500, do you think I'm gonna let you get the easy one?

I opened the door, the light came on, and the drinks were cold. It works perfectly fine, idk what she's on about

He is a Homersexual.

Body text

A little boy asks his father:

Son: "Dad, have you ever fallen in love with a teacher?"

Dad: "Of course, son. That's perfectly normal."

Son: "What did you do?"

Dad: "Well, we had to transfer you to another school. Mom was furious"

Help me out, unable to sleep 😴😭

A husband and wife are sitting on the couch when the husband looks over and says, "Honey, if I died, would you get remarried?"

​The wife thinks about it and says, "Well, we have a beautiful house, and I don't want to be alone, so... yes, I probably would."

​The husband looks a bit hurt. "Would you let him live in our house?"

​"It’s a great house, and it's paid off, so yes, we'd live here."

​"Would he sleep in our bed?"

​"It’s a brand-new mattress, so yes, he probably would."

​"Would he use my golf clubs?"

​"Oh, absolutely not," the wife snaps. "He's left-handed."

They had to move his tombstone because so many medical students were pissing on it.

A teacher called a mother in for a meeting and said, Your son is struggling; he can't count backwards and won't even try.

The kid looked at his mom, completely offended, and shouted, Don't believe him, Mom! He's the one who isn't clever!

Wanting to settle the score, the mom said, Alright sweetie, prove him wrong. Count backwards for me.

The kid glared at the teacher, took a deep breath, and proudly started: Minus one... minus two... minus three... minus four...

It's flying off the shelves.

>!everywhere!<

if that‘s too dark, >!it was bright for a second!<

Archaeologist believe it may be the renowned Pharaoh Rocher

He was right. I started running on a treadmill yesterday and it felt like a decade

Onion rings.

&#x200B;

Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!

He looked right at me and said, Hey, how far do you think I can kick this bucket?

An academia nut.

🙌🥨🙏🕊️