u/e-bio

A teacher called a mother in for a meeting and said, Your son is struggling; he can't count backwards and won't even try.

The kid looked at his mom, completely offended, and shouted, Don't believe him, Mom! He's the one who isn't clever!

Wanting to settle the score, the mom said, Alright sweetie, prove him wrong. Count backwards for me.

The kid glared at the teacher, took a deep breath, and proudly started: Minus one... minus two... minus three... minus four...

AD.HP.

Soft - Hard - Full Wet

Because he's a Bot.

She looked shocked and said, 'Wow, you're the first person I've ever met who speaks Amharic.'

I was surprised and said, 'Really? Then what language do Ethiopians speak?'

The Iraqi said: "We dug deep underground and found cuneiform tablets. My ancestors invented writing."

The Mexican said:"We dug even deeper and found ancient pictures carved into stone. My ancestors invented visual communication."

The Italian grinned. "We dug deeper than both of you."

"What did you find?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Absolutely nothing."

The Italian shrugged."Exactly. My ancestors were already using Wi-Fi."

It starts with S and ends with X.

They listen to empty CDs.

'Alright, I’m going to prescribe you a cream. Apply it exactly where you fell. Come back in three days.'

Three days later, the man returns with a massively swollen elbow.

'Did you do what I told you? Did you apply the cream where you fell?'

'Yes… I was very precise.'

'Good. So what happened?'

'Well… I’m lucky I remembered the exact spot on the floor in front of my bathroom door.'

During an official visit, the first dictator lined up 100 people on a cliff and announced: 'Whoever loves me most, jump!'

One man immediately threw himself off.

Months later, the second dictator tried the same stunt.

He gathered 100 people on a cliff and shouted:'Whoever loves me most, jump!'

Nobody moved.

He repeated himself.

Nothing.

A third time.

Suddenly, a man shot over the edge.

The dictator breathed a sigh of relief.

A few days later, he discovered the man had survived the fall.

Delighted, he invited him to the palace.

'You have demonstrated unmatched loyalty,' he said. 'Ask for any reward.'

The man nodded. 'I have just one request.'

'Name it.'

'Find the man who pushed me.'

'And then?'

The man shrugged. 'You're the dictator. Be creative!'

Use ctrl F

oɔ and oɔ

'Oh no. What did she say?' He asked.

She said: 'I love to play hide-and-seek. Can I join you?'

Easy, said the guy. Come with me to a party and watch.

At the party, he walked up to a girl and said: Pick a number between 1 and 20.

The girl laughed and said 5.

He smiled: Amazing! That's the correct answer. You've just won a dance with me.

The shy kid watched him do the same thing successfully all night.

Finally, the ladies' man said to the shy: It's your turn now.

The kid nervously approached a girl standing alone: Uh, sorry ... can you pick a number between 1 and 20.

The girl smiled and said 6.

The boy's face droped. He looked so desperate and replied: Ah... that's too bad, you're not lucky.

Why? she asked.

He replied: Because the correct answer was 5.

Because she can't have clients aged under 18.

Helianthus annuus seed oil.

A Cum-Ikaze.

Stop using Gboard.

One for home, one for the office, and one for the train ride.

After a few weeks, I realized carrying all three books is becoming annoying.